“Mark?” Helen called him, sitting on the back steps, looking out across the vista watching the sunset.


      She sat beside him.


      Mark’s voice was hoarse and low. “Hey. I’ll be inside in a second. I just need to sort out a few things.”


      Helen tucked her arm into his, kissing his shoulder. “Talk to me. What’s on your mind?”


      Mark didn’t reply. He couldn’t. There wasn’t another soul on earth that could understand his guilt, his remorse for letting Kenneth down by not protecting Cece, and his regret for not answering the phone when he called.


      “I can’t believe he’s gone,” His breath caught in his throat. “I would’ve hired someone to airlift him out. Hell, I would have marched through that jungle myself if I had known. But I was too stubborn for my own good. I was anger with all of you. I was anger far too long, and where has it gotten me? No where,” he chuckled humorlessly. “Here I am coming home expecting to do battle with you guys because I should have called at least once…..I cut you guys off just as much as you cut me off…..I was anger because you wouldn’t accept who I was, and look, I come home to a hero’s welcome. But Kenneth stayed and did what was expected of him and he’s dead. He’s not coming home, ever,” He pointed. “My brother, is laying in some remote jungle, wasting away, no fanfare, no one to grieve for him, just alive one minute and gone the next. And I didn’t get a chance to tell him goodbye.”


      “Kenneth was Kenneth, plain and simple. He wasn’t perfect but he was pretty damn close. He worshiped the ground you walk on. You were his idol, Mark. Like you, he lived his life on his terms. We pushed him to become a doctor and he fought it tooth and nail. But he found an area within medicine that fit his personally and that’s what he was doing up until the day he passed away. Your father and I live with the guilt of how we’ve raised you children. We pushed and pushed you. We didn’t see you as individuals until you--- you Mark---you pushed back. Your walking out gave us a second chance with the rest of the children, which goes to show you sometimes goodbye is a second chance. We had to step away from the situation and try talking once cooler heads prevailed. That’s what it took for us to see that our children are beautiful people. We shouldn’t have tried to change you,” she paused. “So you shouldn’t feel guilt about leaving. We drove you away. Kenneth stayed and we worked through our differences. He made his peace with you leaving, Mark. Now you have to find your peace.”


      “How?” Mark frowned.


      Helen shrugged and stood dusting off her bottom. “I can’t answer that. You’ll have to figure it out for yourself.


      “Thanks mom,” he chuckled. “You’re always a fountain of advice.”


      “I’m no damn good at giving advice. Besides, I’ve learned my lesson. I’m never interfering with my children’s lives again.” She kissed the top of his head. “I can’t tell you how to get through this but I’m always here to listen.” As she turned the go inside, she saw Cece standing behind the screen door with her finger to her lips, urging her not to speak. “I’ll let Sydney know you’re out here.”


      “Thanks. I won’t be long,”


      Helen passed Cece, giving her hand a squeeze. Cece waited and watched Mark for a moment. From behind he resembled her Kenneth; the same broad shoulders and muscular build, the same air of complexity.


      “Hey goofball,” she sat between his legs on the step below him.


      “Hey, I didn’t know you were here.” Mark wrapped his arms her, warming against the chill coming on.


      “Janey and I stopped by to pickup the kids. Sydney insisted Elisa is staying the night, she laughed. “She’s going to be a wonderful mother.”


      “She doesn’t want children.”


      “What! I can’t believe that. She’s the only one who can handle Elisa. Ask Janey, she’ll tell you how difficult she is.” Cece sensed Mark’s uneasiness with the topic. “Markie seems drawn to you.”


      “He’s my shadow,” he let his words trail off. “Did you and Kenneth ever talk about marriage and starting a family?” he felt her body tension up. “You don’t have to talk about if you don’t want to. I just thought…”


      “No, I want to talk about it, “She dropped her chin and pouted. “I can’t talk to anyone else except Jane.


      Mark held her close and she began. “When I returned home after the abortion, Kenneth and I picked up where we left off, nothing changed. We were fine for a couple of years, and then the fallout happened with you and the family. Kenneth became their sole focus; all their hopes for you transferred to him. And I had so much guilt about the abortion and with the threat of AIDS; I couldn’t keep it from him. I told him everything.”


      “How’d he take it? I assume he broke up with you and blamed me.”


      Cece laughed. “You didn’t know Kenneth very well. We were both tested regularly, thank God we were clean. He didn’t leave me and he didn’t blame you. As a matter of fact he reached out to you, many times, to tell you just that.”


      “And I didn’t pick up the phone,” he guilt weighed heavy. “Then what happened between you two? I thought everything was set in stone.” Mark asked.


      “Nothing is ever set in stone, Mark. With both of us in school, working and trying to juggle a relationship, we fell apart. It had nothing to do with the abortion,” she blew a long breath. “We…um…we still saw one another from time-to-time until he went off to med school and then we went almost three years without a single word. Then it happened. He came home for a visit before he left for Cambodia and we talked and talked for hours. Hours turned into days and then months and before long we were a couple again---talking about getting married. I didn’t want him to leave but he said he would only be gone for six months. He never came back.”


      “I’m sorry. Why didn’t someone tell me? If I was his beneficiary, why wasn’t I contacted?”


      “Kenneth had his will changed days before he left. He made me his beneficiary out of respect for you and your privacy. He didn’t want the lawyers and family looking for you if you didn’t want to be found,”


      “That motherfucker was always thinking,” Mark laughed “God, I thought him well.”


      “Yes, you did! Don’t you see? He died living his dream. He wanted to be there helping people who couldn’t help themselves, the same way you do. So stop beating yourself up. We all made our mistakes but what happened all those years ago had no affect on what happened with Kenneth and me. Now, if you want to reconcile with his passing, bring his body home to rest. Give your mom some peace.”


      “I’m way ahead of you on that one, Cece. I have people searching for him as we speak.”


      You motherfuckers are always thinking,” she leaned back into Mark arms.



Sr. passed Helen standing at the back door. He leaned over her shoulder watching Mark and Cece. “What’s going on out there?” he asked quietly.


      “My son is coming home.”