Published on October 22, 2009

Tracy's Tips for Creating Action In Your Scenes and Adjectives

Hello Everyone,

Sorry it’s taken me so long to get this all pieced together. I originally planned on going over location transitions and assumptive descriptions (verbs, adverbs and adjectives) but I decided to separate them into two parts and include a bit about creating action.

While some of the references I’m hammering at are talking about sex scenes, they can and should also be applied throughout your writing.

Doing it on Paper:
The easiest way to plot an erotic story is to decide on what you want for your climactic sex scene – then build a story and characters around it to make it vital for that scene to happen. If you visualize the characters doing something in a specific order – you must write it in that order.

Remember: Sex = Action and a sex scene is nothing more that an action scene with spicy bits thrown in. Like action sequences, sex sequences must be written in the order in which they happen.

Action > Reaction

If you want the reader to see the actions that you are trying to portray as a movie in their minds, chronological order is the only way to do it.

Something happened TO the character, starting a CHAIN of REACTIONS.
The Character knee-jerk REACTS - Physically.

AND the character feels the Physical Sensation of the Happening -- suffering a Physical Reaction.

AND THEN they have an Emotional Reaction reflected in their thoughts and/or comment about what had just happened.

AND THEN they DO Something in Retaliation

This Retaliation Action incites the Other character to do something NEW -- starting the whole Chain of Reactions again.
This order is very specific. You may skip steps, but you may not change the order.
Violating Chronological Order is Bad. Okay?

If you knock the actions out of order – the Reader's Mental Movie stops and the reader has to stop reading to mentally rearrange what they just read into the correct order to get the movie back.

Incorrect:
The flash of pain exploded in my cheek from the slap her hand lashed out at me.

Correct:
Her hand lashed out in a slap. [Event]
A flash of pain exploded in my cheek. [Results]

- Multiple characters do not perform Multiple Actions in the same Sentence -- or the same Paragraph, ever. Each individual character’s Actions gets a new paragraph in exactly the same way that each characters' Dialogue gets a new paragraph -- and for the same reasons: CLARITY.

In a nutshell:

- Stimulus - Something happened

- Physical Reaction - Their body’s immediate physical reaction

- Sensation & Reaction - The physical sensations & then their Reactions to those sensations

- Emotional Reaction - What they thought about what was happening – Internal Narration

- Deliberate Reaction - How they responded -- Physical Action then Comment

- What happened next…

ALSO: New Stimulus/External Reaction of the other person or an outside event, (Action) restarts the POV for the characters.

What does this look like in a story?

“What’s the matter? Having trouble are ya,” Margret stopped on her way into the house.

“Not now, Margret.” Sydney walked around her. “You’re not safe.”

Mark saw their exchange and starting running with Sr. and Jane close behind.

“Freak,” Margret called out to Sydney.

Sydney came to a sudden stop and turned around. Her dark eyes widened then narrowed. Her face was cast in a deep shadow. “If you know what’s best for yourself, you’ll start running.”

Margret stepped closer, face to face, eyes locked with Sydney. “I think I’m perfectly safe where I am.”

Sydney lost control. Her first punch landed square on the bridge of Margret’s nose and sent blood splattering.

“Sydney!” Mark shouted, unable to reach them in time.

Margret fell to the ground; Sydney kicked her violently in the kidneys and rib cage. She felt Sydney’s cold hands around her throat as she sat on top of her, choking her with each horrifying blow she delivered. She gasped for air watching Sydney’s bloody fist charge at her face.

“Don’t you ever fucking disrespect me again,” Sydney commanded between each excruciating blow. “I told you to run! Don’t you know who I am?!”

Margret went limp, submitting to getting her ass whipped. Blow after blow rained down on her until Mark pulled Sydney off.

“Stop it!” he yelled.

Sydney elbowed him in the face with superhuman force sending him stumbling backwards. “Fuck!” he bellowed, blood poured down his face.

Sydney returned to stomping Margret. “You lower your eyes when you talk to me” She screamed in mono symbols, breathing heavily as she built up momentum.

Margret let out a great cry, dizzy and thoroughly beaten.

Regaining his senses, Mark put Sydney in a full-nelson and yanked her up off her feet.

She kicked wildly, landing a couple of heel shots to Margret's stomach. “Let me go, Mark! Put me down!”

Sr. and Jane rushed to Margret’s aid. She spat blood.

“Hell no, I’m letting you go,” Mark tightened his grip, surprised to find Sydney wiggling free.

“I’m fine! Let me go!”

“Stop fighting me,”

Helen ran outside with a hired hand in tow. “What’s going on out here?” Helen shrieked seeing two of her children covered in blood. She turned to Sydney, brushing her hair away from her face. “What did she say to you?”

Mark placed Sydney on her feet, leaving her in Helen’s care. Jane ran inside for the first aid kit.

“She called me a freak!” Sydney panted.

Helen’s eyes narrowed and she marched towards Margret’s battered body. “You bitch!”

Mark, Sr. and the hired hand restrained both Helen and Sydney.

Did you see it play out in your head? Did you notice the cues? We will get to that another time.

What I have learned from Ms. Hawke over the years:

Adjectives are your Friend!
Adjectives give your objects and locations emotional flavor and impact. The trick is not to over-do it! Moderation - moderation - moderation.

One adjective per Noun: In addition to a specific Noun. The ornate French tapestry, the rusty Subaru, the yellow Victorian cottage.

Two adjectives per Sensation: Sight, Sound, Taste, Texture, Scent - are all perceived through the senses. The glaringly red French doors, the seductively throbbing jazz, the creamy bite of yogurt, the nubby white dishcloth, the pungent musk of wet dog.

The Not-So Dreaded -ly Words.
Every once in a while you will hear someone whine that "you shouldn't use words that end in -ly". The "No -ly words!" whiners are usually the same people that say: "Don't use Adjectives!" Think People! How the heck are you supposed to describe something without adjectives? It doesn’t work like that!

This rule comes from Basic School Grammar - grammar that was intended for non-fiction, such as Reports and other boring descriptionless education-related or business-related writing. On the other hand, Fiction lives on description! If you can find another word that says the same thing without ending in -ly, use it. If you can't, then use what you have and don’t sweat it.

Making the reader feel the sexiness:
Sensually-Descriptive & Erotically-Fueled Words
- The key to erotica and Romance.
Remember: Choose words that imply a Physical Sense - sound, flavor, color, texture, fragrance. If you need a racier thesaurus PLEASE let me know!

Don’t use blocks of descriptive text to get your point across, but remember the reader can’t see what you’re trying to show them - pictures or feelings - without descriptive cues -- preferably Sneaky descriptive cues.

Sneaky Descriptive Cues:
No one likes to be pummeled (okay, I do!). We prefer to be, enticed, tempted and seduced - not assaulted. A handful of well-placed descriptive words sprinkled here and there, really enriches an otherwise blank blue-screen imagination - without beating the reader over the head.

The Tricks to Tight SNEAKY Description
Avoid Simple Words:
The door, the car, the tree, the house... Write instead: The French doors, the Subaru, the oak, the Victorian cottage. See how using a Specific Noun automatically pops in description?

Okay, the next round will be “tags and transitions” And I'll try to squeeze in paragraphing. If you need anything else please email me.