“I normally try to keep at least two pair sets of fully ironed outfits in my closet at any given time. You can’t be too careful,” said the very handsome yet equally dull brother sitting across the dinner table from Paula.


“No, you can’t be too careful,” She said with a forced smile. How the hell did it come to this? Paula pondered.


“I travel two weeks out of the month so I’m always looking for ways to use my time more efficiently…”


Why is he still talking? Has he always been this dry? Paula asked herself as she stared on blankly. Funny, but I don’t remember him being this dry. Damn, I have to be more careful who I give my phone number to. This is brutal. Just keep nodding girl, he’ll stop talking eventually. This is what happens when I try to act grown. I should’ve stayed home and baked cookies with Charlie and Sarah, but no! Now I’m stuck in this half baked shit pie. “You don’t say?” she blinked away tears of regret over the brim of her wine glass. I wonder how many glasses of wine it will take before this guy becomes interesting; one down and a half bottle to go.


“Have you ever eaten llama?” Anthony prompted.


Paula’s face wrinkled like a prune. “A llama---like the pack animal?”


“Yeah.”


“No, I can’t say that I have. I don’t think I’d want to.”


“I didn’t have a choice. When you’re hiking in Peru, you take what you can get,” Anthony offered with a shy smile that made his warm brown eyes sparkle. “I normally prefer to wear them on my back rather then eat them off my plate.” He gave a short laugh.


“I suppose so,” Paula chuckled.


Sadly, this was the high point of the evening. Up until then Paula spent of the night drifting from thoughts of Charlie’s face nestled between her thighs to he refusal to sleep with her before she’d left. He’d never denied her. She tried desperately to imagine Anthony in Charlie’s place but his endless chatter made it difficult to concentrate.


“Have you ever been to Peru?” Anthony inquired.


“Unfortunately not, I’ve always wanted to go but…”


“But you didn’t want to travel alone.” He interjected.

Paula tabled her glass and felt her blood go cold. His observation was completely unfounded and damn near rude. “I see nothing wrong with traveling alone. I’ve done it plenty of times...”


Anthony leaned in and lowered his voice. “Paula, I wasn’t imply…”


Paula silenced him with her hand. “I know exactly what you were trying to imply. You think that just because I’m alone, I’m lonely.”


“That’s not what I was saying,”


She reached for her purse and hastily removed two bills. “I’m sorry to disappoint you but you’re wrong, I’m not lonely and I’m definitely not going to sit here and be insulted. Good night.”







Paula called Charlie before she pulled out of the restaurant’s parking lot. “Tonight I wanted to be fucked.”


“You sure have a way of starting a conversation. Can I at least get a hello before you start throwing out orders?”


She sighed. “I’m sorry. The date turned into a disaster. What was I thinking?”


“He didn’t seem half bad,” Charlie said closing his laptop down for the night.


“That’s because you met him very briefly. I was stuck with him for two hours.”


“I’m sorry to hear it didn’t work out,” Charlie dropped his suitcase of the bed. “Are you coming over?”


“Yeah, I’m on my way home to pick up my bags and a spare laptop. You left your dress blues hanging in the closet. Do you need me to bring them?”


“I thought I left those over there. Yeah bring them with you. Grab my shoe shine kit while you’re at it. It’s on my nightstand.”


“No, it’s in your guest bedroom where you left it the other morning when you were getting dressed. Why did you get dressed in the guestroom?” Paula asked pulling the car into her garage, completely glossing over Charlie’s comment.

“I didn’t wanna wake you.”


Paula get out, walked in the house and then it hit her. “Whoa! Your nightstand? Since when have you begun claiming my furniture?”


“Paula, we may not be a couple but there’s no denying we share more things than we don’t.”


“That’s not true.”


“Woman, are you blind?” Charlie said taken aback. “You have your own access card to my apartment complexes front gate, you have a key to my apartment, and we split time between our residents. And, to top it off, who does my mom call if she can’t reach me? I know you inside and outside, Paula. We need to stop kidding ourselves.”


Charlie’s word took her breath away. She was his in all but name. “You’re my friend and my Mr. Fix-it, of course we’re close.”


“Your Mr. Fix-it,” he laughed. “I’m more than your Mr. Fix-it.”


Mentally, Paula began looking for her running shoes. Whenever faced with commitment, she’d lace up and run as fast as she could. But this time she couldn’t find them. Sex was purely physical but commitment meant sticking around and giving up control. “You are more than my Mr. Fix-it. You’re my friend.”


Fine,” Charlie conceded. He knew the conversation was headed for a dead end. “I’m gonna finish packing and take a shower. Let yourself in.”


Paula stood winded, one hand resting on her stomach. She hung up the phone….Charlie had seen through her. Damnit, where are my shoes?




******




Paula dropped her bags beside Charlie’s near the front door and quietly removed his key from her key ring and placed it on the table. Between her house and his, she’d decided to end their relationship before either of them could be hurt. Charlie was right; he was more to her than a Mr. Fix-it or a friend. Unlike her other conquest, she felt guilty about using him. Charlie had no agenda, no set expectations, no wants or no needs. It had taken her a while but she’d realized she’d offered him the same.

Silently, Paula climbed into bed beside Charlie now fast asleep. She turned her back to him. He rolled over and took her into his arms, knowing on some level this might be his last time. Minutes passed as their lie in silence, hoping the other garnered the courage to speak.


“Tell me about your ex-husband,” Charlie’s said his accent was thick as Alaga syrup. He needed to ease the emotional tension between them and getting her to emote was the best method.


Paula exhaled noisily. “Do we have to talk about him right now?”


“Yes. I don’t think you talk about him because….”


“Don’t say it,” she cut him off and she went rigid under his hold. “I’m not in love with him.”


“You know you’re not in love it with him,” he voice was calm. “You don’t talk about him because you don’t have anyone to confide in. You don’t let your guard down.”


“I have with you.” She heard herself says before she could check her words.


Charlie chose not to reply.


“I stayed with him because I was afraid of not being able to support myself and he knew it. He held it over my head. I was forced to keep up the appearance of a happy marriage and in return he paid for me to attend school and managed our life.”


“But it really wasn’t your life, was it?”


“No it wasn’t. The longer I stayed, the more I cheapened I felt. We were two people stuck together in a sinking ship and neither one of us knew how to get out. I felt like I was dying inside,” her voice shallow. “I used to get in my car at night and drive to the nearest dark parking lot and cry and cry until I was empty inside—until I didn’t care anymore. And then I’d pray that when I returned home he would do his business and leave me to suffer in silence.”


“You were trapped.”


“We were trapped. He didn’t want to be married either but his was a devout Catholic so divorce, as far as he saw it, wasn’t an
option. Our relationship was hollow but we tried to make the best of a horrible situation. I have to admit when he filed for divorce, I was hurt and afraid because he’d always been there to share my misery and take care of me financially,” she shook her head. “I’ve dreaded being dependant on anyone since then.”