Hey Folks,

Can we talk for a moment? I figure by know you guys have a pretty good feel for me. That being said, you know I'm a "Buy local", "Support local artist", “Everyone has a talent” tree-hugger type. Yes, I even enjoy my nice morning cup of Starbucks coffee now Oxfam International has assured me that the National Coffee Association is no longer blocking trademark applications which denied Ethiopian coffee farmers potential annual earnings. But that’s beside the point.

Back on topic! On a whim, a friend and I decided to take in some spoken word poetry and live music at a local dive. The evening was going pretty well. The poetry was nice. The first band was fantastic. Here’s where the evening veers off the path of righteousness and does an Olympic gold medal worthy nosedive into the cesspit that was the second “band”.

Think, R. Kelly circa 1990 grinding, sweaty Bobby Brown and the most revolting 2 Live Crew lyrics you’ve ever heard. Ok, you got that picture in your head? Now double it!

After grinding and sweating on stage, they leapt into the audience like lizards touching on people and then had the nerve to ask for crowd participation! First of all the song was terrible on an epic scale….seriously it was like 2.5 minutes of lyrical Ipecac.

Second, I don’t mind “Throwin’ my hands in the air and wavin’em like I just don’t care” but after overcoming the sheer dread that the really sticky looking guy might actually touch me, the last thing I wanted to do was draw attention to myself.

After they slithered from the stage or from the respective lady’s leg from which they were humping, there was a collective sense of abuse that fell over the room, thick with self-loathing. Like we’d all been mentally assaulted.
 
I guess it goes to show not everyone has talent. I was wrong!!