Hey guys,

I rarely post sensitive subjects however I feel the need to share my personal tragedy with you in the hopes that it may, in some small measure, benefit at least one of you.

Those of you who’ve read “Seduce Me” are familiar with my character Sonya. What most of you don’t know is she was based on my childhood friend by the same name. Anyone who’s lived around the world most of their lives, as I have, will tell you that having a core group of friends is unlikely but having one as close as Sonya and I would be impossible. Yet we were. From Barbies to boys, we went through it all together. Eventually we moved away however, on account of our families being extremely close to one another, we keep in contact and visits were frequent.

Returning to California to attend university, we reconnected as if no time had passed. I chose academia whilst Sonya chose to marry and start a family. In some silly way we balanced each other. Anyway, I graduated in 3.5 years and dove into corporate America and traveled the world, while she managed a husband and 3.5 kids. But, there still, we kept in touch with letters, emails, and long phone conversations. We were sisters.

Between leaving my corporate job and going into writing fulltime, the past year has been hectic to say the least. I was consumed with work work!! A few months ago Sonya's calls became more frequent than normal but I was either too busy or stressed to talk at the time. This game of phone tag continued until a few weeks ago when she called as I was headed out the door to an event. I asked Daniel, my copy editor, to tell her I’d call her back and that I love her.

That was the last time she called. Two days later my aunt called and said Sonya was dead. She’d committed suicide. Now for those of you with thin skin or weak stomachs you may wish to stop reading at this point.

She’d planned everything down to the letter; she’d even gotten the kids out of the house. When slitting her wrist didn’t do the job, she cut her throat while hanging herself. Her mother and two of her children found her body after she failed to pickup the kids. I’m still in shock. This was so unlike her. She was the short cute woman with the infectious laugh not a suicidal manic. What had I missed? I missed her phone calls.

She was reaching out to me but I was too busy to talk. Could I have saved her? I doubt it. For someone to inflict that sort gruesome damage to themselves there had to be deep seeded issues that no one person could've solved. But I could’ve listened and done anything within my power to pervent it. Growing up we were taught to express our feelings to others as though we were talking to their headstones; unfiltered and sincere. My one consolation is that we always bookend our conversations with “I love you”.

The point of this ever increasing blog post is that it may serve as a warning or red flag to anyone stuck in the rat race of day-to-day life that can’t hear their phone ringing, or left a situation unfinished or words unspoken. If her death has done nothing, it has made me reprioritize what’s important to me. Over the years, I'd slowly  become 'corporate'....everything that I stand against. Yes, I still have to work however taking an extra ten minutes to French braid my daughter’s hair, when putting it up in a ponytail would be easier, no longer equates to slacking.

To my dear friend: Thanks for lifetime of memories. I'll be sure to pass them on to your beautiful children. I never thought you wouldn't be here to tell your side of the story. Thank you for setting me straight. I'm still a hippie at heart.
I love you, Lady. Sleep well.