Good Evening Folks,

I was chatting with a friend earlier about the end of her troubled relationship. She and Richard had been together for a number of years and, according to her, he’d always tried to make her into someone she wasn’t. She never wore the right clothes. She never had the right career. She never spoke properly. She never did anything right. Finally she’d had enough and ended the relationship on very bad terms and she’s moved on and is happier than she’s ever been. In her words “I hate him!”

Completely aware that I’m walking on thin ice, I mention that maybe she shouldn’t “hate” Richard for what he’d done over the years so much as she should thank him. My theory is when people try to force you into a mold that they’ve built for you two things can result: either you will coat yourself in an oily layer of denial and slip easily into the comfy mold, allowing them to define you……or you will resist and in doing so, you will be forced to find yourself, figure out what you want, and form your own opinions.

My Grandma told me a long time ago, “Don’t live your life based on someone else’s lie. People will tell you anything. Listen to what others have to say but figure things out for yourself.”

It’s my opinion that we as humans rely on one another’s wisdom and advice however in the end it’s up to each of us to sort things out for ourselves. It isn’t until we tune out the gibberish from the cynics that we’ll be better able to hear our real voice. Even if that voice is saying, “What now?” it’s still your voice, no one else’s.

In a way I get what she’s saying but not really. First, you can’t make people love you if you don’t love yourself. Second, you can’t expect or make people treat you right. Third, no one can mistreat you without your consent. There’s a time you stick around and work on the relationship and a time to lick your wounds and move on.

The bottom line is this: controlling people may be sent into our lives to help us figure ourselves out. So, when you look at it like that, I say she owed Richard a big thank you.


Cheers,
Tracy