I'm So Alone!
- By Tracy Ames
- Published November 16, 2009
Tracy Ames
Mrs. Ames is an international bestselling author of interracial erotic fiction and a former columnist for several newsletters and magazines.
A native of the San Francisco Bay Area, Tracy currently split time between CT & New York City with her husband, children and a host of pets.
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Greg, the kids and Zora are in Switzerland for the week and Lawrence and his fiancé are on holiday in France, which leaves Daniel and I home alone. With Daniel working downstairs and me upstairs in my bedroom, the house seems strangely quiet and void of life.
No chef this week, no poker night, no little knocks from BC (Baby Clinton) on my office door, no nightly girl chats with Eva. No Greg.
You’d think I’d be jumping for enjoy but I am not. I’m a sad doll. I miss my family more than words can express. They are my lifeline; my dojo where I kick ass and find my peace.
I miss BC coming into the room and recapping the highlights from Dora the Explorer. I miss Eva being Eva; the female version of her father.
I miss the way Greg makes me feel small when I’m enveloped in his arms, my head buried in his chest like I’m still his “girlfriend”.
Wacky huh? I should be happy but I’m not. I want my family back!
No chef this week, no poker night, no little knocks from BC (Baby Clinton) on my office door, no nightly girl chats with Eva. No Greg.
You’d think I’d be jumping for enjoy but I am not. I’m a sad doll. I miss my family more than words can express. They are my lifeline; my dojo where I kick ass and find my peace.
I miss BC coming into the room and recapping the highlights from Dora the Explorer. I miss Eva being Eva; the female version of her father.
I miss the way Greg makes me feel small when I’m enveloped in his arms, my head buried in his chest like I’m still his “girlfriend”.
Wacky huh? I should be happy but I’m not. I want my family back!
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17 Responses to "I'm So Alone!" 
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said this on 16 Nov 2009 8:45:10 AM CDT
No it's not wacky. And there is no Crime in Missing your family. The majority of my family lives in Antigua including my mom and dad. I only see them once a year when i go home for a vist. So I understand your sadness. They'll be home before you know it.
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said this on 16 Nov 2009 11:57:33 AM CDT
Antigua? Wow, I love the area. Most of my mom's family still lives in Europe and my parents live in Germany nine months out of the year so we (the children) travel back and forth quite often.
The good news is G called a bit ago, they're returning early. I can't wait to see them. |
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said this on 17 Nov 2009 8:52:08 AM CDT
I guess we all got good news my called at 5:00 this morning to say the whole family is coming for christmas which is good and bad.
I brought my parents a trip to the Bahamas at the Atlantis Hotel for there anniversary which is the day after Christmas. Mind you i did all this after my mom said they weren't doing anything for christmas. I can feel my mother behind this sudden change in plans. My father is very decisive person, mom not so much. |
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said this on 16 Nov 2009 11:21:39 AM CDT
And you didn't go with, knowing you were going to sing the blues becuuuuuzzzzzz???????
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said this on 16 Nov 2009 11:39:58 AM CDT
We all went over to London because I had some promo work over there. I returned to the States while the fam went on to Switzerland.
You see, I love Nyon and if I had gone with them, I wouldn't have come back. So not a good thing when I have a book coming out. |
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said this on 16 Nov 2009 12:16:58 PM CDT
well who's alone, it's time to feel the place of the readers & writers in your life dear Writer & Pioneer, of course it's not a matter of size...for the place : that just an invisible feeling like a warm idea in the heart...boom....boom...bo om...!?!
we wait our next storie médicament pour aller rêver... |
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said this on 16 Nov 2009 1:36:17 PM CDT
I was waiting for this blog Tracy after our brief chat yesterday. "BC" is so cute. Dora the Explorer updates. Just makes me want to pinch his little cheeks. Those babies (and toddlers) just so darn cute!
Okay back to the subject at hand. The fam will all be back home soon and all will be well. I know how you feel though. With my brother and I being as close as we are, I thought after his year in France he would finally come back home for good. Well he came close. Back to the States but not to the south. He chose the east coast (NYC/Staten Island) instead. Fortunately, we talk all the time (he loves my writing and always has a suggestion or two) and we see each other a few times a year but the "see you soon" is always difficult. Ow darnit Tracy! Now you have gotten me started. Off to phone the bro... |
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said this on 17 Nov 2009 3:42:16 AM CDT
I think everyone called their loved ones after my post. Sorry guys...I'm just a little emo.
Did you see it coming, Steph?! Of course you did. Anyone who knows us saw this train wreck coming. There is no way to put it except "I was meant to love this man". I miss Greg and Eva like NO tomorrow but BC is tugging at my little beating heart. This was his first trip out of the States. And while being in England with them was great, parting ways had your girl in open sobs in the mini cab. I don't think my driver took too kindly to my tears but whatever! If not for shame, I would've held my head out the window and sobbed to the whole of London with my fist in the air screaming "Why!"...:( Okay maybe not that far but the dramatics would have been there. |
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said this on 16 Nov 2009 2:14:58 PM CDT
You have such a beautful thing going on. I'm glad your hubby will be home soon. (Goodness now I feel all sappy!)
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said this on 16 Nov 2009 3:44:05 PM CDT
Oh Olga, I was dying. I miss my babies. BC isn't my kid but I love him like he his. I cried like a bitch at the airport when he handed his little passport to the TSA guy and waved to me when he went through security with his little back pack on, and then ran off trying to keep up with Eva.
I could cry thinking about it. |
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said this on 16 Nov 2009 4:57:07 PM CDT
Oh Tracy you are killing me. Something about having kids pulled the Sissy, Sucker, Blubber Crier Lever in me. Now, I empathy cry. Stop. Please stop. I am going to start crying to.
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said this on 16 Nov 2009 5:11:09 PM CDT
Please don't empathy cry. I've cried enough for the both on us. They're comig home so he'll be back in three days.
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said this on 16 Nov 2009 6:25:45 PM CDT
Awwww. You just broke my heart!!! I hope your family knows how much they are loved and missed. I sometime look at my four year old and pray to God that she will stop talking to me and then when she isn't talking to me I w
miss the sound of her voice!! I feel you sister. Now I am going to go hug my little one and I will give her an extra kiss for the kiss your babies are missing tonight. Okay? Peace. |
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said this on 16 Nov 2009 6:59:36 PM CDT
Ok, now I'm turning into a teary mess again! I'm so sorry. Didn't mean to bring you down. When Greg call this morning, he sounded horrible. BC is with the Au Pair which isn't his cup of tea at all and Eva wants to stay longer but that's normal...she was born and raised there.
Yesterday Greg took them over to France via the ferry out of the port in Nyon. BC had a blast, hanging from the rails screaming "Whoa". This is what I miss. He's so young and everything is brand new to him. Greg is kicking himself for not getting it on video. Eva is little Miss Independent, she came out of the womb with her passport in one hand and Daddy's credit card in the other. |
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said this on 16 Nov 2009 7:31:00 PM CDT
Ah man, just got in from taking J to airport for missed meetings last week and missing him already then I find your blog oh how I empathize with you. Little man is sitting in his uncle's chair "keeping" it safe for him, fortunately I have 19 siblings, 17 of them living close to us, that two my of sisters will be staying until J comes home. Nothing can replace him with me or holding me but knowing my sister's they will help keep the loneliness away.
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said this on 17 Nov 2009 12:12:44 AM CDT
Aw, we're together in this loneliness. You're right, nothing replaces him. We spent a year a part and although he was home every weekend, it sucked. I think he suffered more that year then I will every know.
You see, Greg takes his duties as a father and husband seriously. In this way, he reminds me of my Dad. Now don't you go getting into any trouble with your sisters while your hubby is gone..:) |
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said this on 17 Nov 2009 2:14:09 PM CDT
I don't think he will be able to concentrate as we are known for getting in trouble when we are together. But no matter he will be home Thursday since I have to be in court to ensure justice is done for SOME reason he seems to think my sisters & I will get in trouble....hmmmm he may be on to something LOL
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