What is Foreplay and is it Important to Our Sex Lives?
- By Tracy Ames
- Published December 17, 2009
Tracy Ames
Mrs. Ames is an international bestselling author of interracial erotic fiction and a former columnist for several newsletters and magazines.
A native of the San Francisco Bay Area, Tracy currently split time between CT & New York City with her husband, children and a host of pets.
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According to Wiki foreplay is: In human sexual behavior, foreplay is a set of intimate psychological and physical acts between two or more people meant to create and increase sexual arousal, in anticipation of sexual intercourse. Any act that creates and enhances sexual stimulation between the sex partners may constitute foreplay, including kissing, touching, embracing, talking, and teasing.
Ah, that’s the rub: psychological and physical acts.
Some believe that foreplay is purely physical, however I beg to differ. If you consider the nature of foreplay as physical, you’re overlooked…neigh denied yourself the pleasure of the psychological elements there of. The journey down the road to fornication begins long before any physical contact takes place. Its common knowledge that the brain is the most complex erogenous zone one has, yet the notion of psychological foreplay flummoxes us. Sex is psychological so it only seems natural that foreplay be so.
Psychological foreplay is the anticipation of intimacy. It can begin with a simple note casually left for them in the morning. It doesn’t have to be long and languorous running sentences of seduction and sensuality: it can be a flirtation text, sticky note, hand-written letter and/or voicemail; it’s the passing glances and “baby, I’m going to wear your ass out” facial expressions.
This form of foreplay play is what I equate to stacking building blocks; the tower can only go so high before it topples. Ah, that’s the aforementioned anticipation of intimacy. By the time you see one another one of two things will happen: À la carte lovin’ or denial. Denial if there are kids vying for attention (which is still a turn on because the anticipation continues to build) and À la carte lovin’ if the walls of the dam are giving way.
Greg has turned psychological foreplay into an extracurricular activity. Seriously, by the time he’s done with me I’m pulling him to our boudoir begging him to justify my love.
But this isn’t to set aside physical foreplay. Seduction is an art. The easiest way to slay your sex life is to become complacent. Some people find it difficult seeing the person they love as the person they’d like to *screw. My theory is if more people were willing to color outside the lines of their Puritanical no-fly zone sexual syllabus they could over come these hurdles.
Anyway, these are the ranting of a sated wife. Judge if you will. :)
*The nuances between making love and screwing is an entirely different blog post, we’ll revisit the topic later…I’m talking about screwing.
Tracy
Ah, that’s the rub: psychological and physical acts.
Some believe that foreplay is purely physical, however I beg to differ. If you consider the nature of foreplay as physical, you’re overlooked…neigh denied yourself the pleasure of the psychological elements there of. The journey down the road to fornication begins long before any physical contact takes place. Its common knowledge that the brain is the most complex erogenous zone one has, yet the notion of psychological foreplay flummoxes us. Sex is psychological so it only seems natural that foreplay be so.
Psychological foreplay is the anticipation of intimacy. It can begin with a simple note casually left for them in the morning. It doesn’t have to be long and languorous running sentences of seduction and sensuality: it can be a flirtation text, sticky note, hand-written letter and/or voicemail; it’s the passing glances and “baby, I’m going to wear your ass out” facial expressions.
This form of foreplay play is what I equate to stacking building blocks; the tower can only go so high before it topples. Ah, that’s the aforementioned anticipation of intimacy. By the time you see one another one of two things will happen: À la carte lovin’ or denial. Denial if there are kids vying for attention (which is still a turn on because the anticipation continues to build) and À la carte lovin’ if the walls of the dam are giving way.
Greg has turned psychological foreplay into an extracurricular activity. Seriously, by the time he’s done with me I’m pulling him to our boudoir begging him to justify my love.
But this isn’t to set aside physical foreplay. Seduction is an art. The easiest way to slay your sex life is to become complacent. Some people find it difficult seeing the person they love as the person they’d like to *screw. My theory is if more people were willing to color outside the lines of their Puritanical no-fly zone sexual syllabus they could over come these hurdles.
Anyway, these are the ranting of a sated wife. Judge if you will. :)
*The nuances between making love and screwing is an entirely different blog post, we’ll revisit the topic later…I’m talking about screwing.
Tracy
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9 Responses to "What is Foreplay and is it Important to Our Sex Lives?" 
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said this on 17 Dec 2009 8:01:53 PM CDT
I agree with this. I love the physical but I love when my mind its stimulated also.
On weekends my hubby and I will cook together and that is some serious foreplay for me my two favorite things, my man and my food. Then there are the times when we read to each other. Most times I spend the day at work about to have a melt down because of the text and emails he sends that I can't wait to get home. So yeah I truly agree with this. |
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said this on 17 Dec 2009 10:11:32 PM CDT
Cooking together is hot! Sadly, with our schedules we can't do it very often.
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said this on 17 Dec 2009 9:39:21 PM CDT
This is so true, seduce my mind the rest will follow.....a man's mind has always been the thing to hold and keep my interests, now my nieces are realizing this fact and look beyond a man's looks knowing they can make their own money.
J knows that a leather bound book will excite me just as much or more than a diamond anything, unless it is a black diamond then well..... One of my nieces said that when her mind was stimulated she was free to just feel, that her did not or could not think all the focus was on her man which made her realize she needed the intelligent stimulation. I really wished more women would come to this realization, to look beyond the package to the gift inside, who this man is on the inside not just his heart but his mind as well. |
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said this on 17 Dec 2009 11:26:54 PM CDT
Mature women realize the need to be intellectually stimulated. In some cases maturity has more to the individual’s frame of mind rather than age. Your nieces are correct—being free to feel starts with being psychological aroused.
I’ve said it before, looks fade and when they do, you’d better like the person for who they are. |
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said this on 18 Dec 2009 1:54:36 PM CDT
Tracy what we are talking about here reminds me of a Poem entiled "Love Letter to My Beautiful Black Sister" by K.A.S. The Lyrical Gangsta.
This Poem talk about being a lover to the mind. One of my favorite lines in this poem is when the author says "I understand that your happiness does not entirely depend on how I stroke your physical, But also on how I massage your intellect, keeping not only the physical but your mind wet" |
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said this on 18 Dec 2009 8:14:41 PM CDT
I love that poem Sherece! It is one that I often read if I get stuck on a 'physical scene'. I recommend it!
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said this on 17 Dec 2009 11:04:56 PM CDT
No, Olga, I’m not a sex therapist. I’m merely in touch with my sexual side. But I understand what you mean by going through spells. I’ve had three miscarriages, the last being earlier year---they send you into a sexual spiral that can be difficult to come out of.
You’re right. The first step of recovery starts with us and writing did help. I’m 35 yrs old and my sexual needs have changed seen my 20s…it’s not good or bad, just different. I don’t believe for a second that we’re the only ones to go through this nor will we be the last. It’s a case of opening your mind and trying something new when you find the old way no longer works |
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said this on 19 Dec 2009 1:50:02 AM CDT
Tracy, I'm with you 100% on this. A simple look or even a noise can do the trick. Baby needs to get my mind in the mood, whisper sweet and dirty words, touch me a certain way. lol
But, in all honesty, all women needs to be stimulated, they need to stop looking on the physical side, but rather if homeboy IS making them scream their lungs out. Seduce my mind, the rest will follow....God i love this site!! lol |
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said this on 19 Dec 2009 2:08:02 AM CDT
We love you too, Heidi! My brother used to say, "Open a woman's mind and her legs will follow". I guess that's a bit of the same. :) I would love to do a post on saduction.
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