Is There Really a Difference When Dating Outside of Your Race?
- By Tracy Ames
- Published January 12, 2010
Tracy Ames
Mrs. Ames is an international bestselling author of interracial erotic fiction and a former columnist for several newsletters and magazines.
A native of the San Francisco Bay Area, Tracy currently split time between CT & New York City with her husband, children and a host of pets.
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Alright, today I’ll address the question: Is there really a difference when dating outside of your race?
As I mentioned, when I’m asked this question my answer is, “Maybe. I married a WASP, there’s a huge difference in marrying a WASP.”
Personally, I’ve always been attracted to White men. Growing up abroad, I became accustomed to interracial relationships…it wasn’t until we spent times in the States that it became a hot topic. I don’t like to hear Black women prefix their love of White men by saying, “Oh I have nothing against Black men! I love them!” Why are we predisposed to justify our decision to date outside of our race by giving a courtesy nod to Black men? It reeks of guilt.
Anyway, back on topic: Is there really a difference when dating outside of your race”
In my opinion, people are people. Dating/marrying a White man can be different; not better or worse, simply different. For instance, walking into a room of strangers, it normally takes about ten minutes for the White people to realize: I’m not the help and I’m not going to rob them.
With Greg at my side I’m given instant character credit. This has been the biggest difference I’ve noticed. Oprah, Chris Rock and several other affluent Blacks mentioned the same occurrence. I hear what you’re saying, “But Tracy, you have money.” Clearly, it doesn’t matter. If Oprah gets the ten minute evil-eye then none of us should expect any different. It’s the name of the game…sad but true.
I have also noticed Blacks treat me differently. Whether it’s ignoring me altogether or cleaning up their language, I am treated differently. I’m far from snobby but, let’s face it, I don’t speak “Ghetto” and you’ll never see sporting “Baby Phat” or “Apple Bottoms”... that's not who I am and I doubt that would change if I were White. We, Black folks, need to stop judging one another. There are plenty of other races more than willingly to do it for us.
Mentally/Emotionally: I’ve found White men vocalize their thoughts. Whether it’s paying compliments or telling you to back off, they’re very open. To me this openness is a key element to a health relationship. If the lines of communication are lacking during the good times, then what’s going to happen during the bad? The person doesn’t just magically emote. To that end, the “I ain’t no punk!” attitude is wanting…it’s as if they don’t have anything to prove so strutting about flashing their plumage isn’t necessary. I find this to be a good thing.
Sexually: Have mercy!! You guys read my stories. You know what I like (Demand). I need a man take care of every fiber of my being and White men tend to be more adventurous in bed….freaky if you will. Take their yokes off and see what happens! Shhhit, it’ll change your life! Ripping a page from me and Greg’s first night together (and a line from “Office Politics”) “I can be up in you all night baby, just give me the word.”
They're freaks!! I’m talking about toe-curling, peeling the paint off the walls, do whatever it takes to get you off kinda freakiness. And don’t get me started on the cunny! OMG! Seriously, I started crying halfway through the first time; it was that damn good. Full blown heaving “ugly face” sobs. I kid you not—I picked up the phone and called my girlfriend, I had to tell somebody. Greg had your girl messed up!!
Do I think these qualities are only found in White men? No. I think it has more to do with the quality of man you date/marry. My father and brothers are classic examples of good Black men: Over educated, ambitious, handsome, family oriented, and well to do. Don’t think dating/marrying a White man is your ticket out because it’s not. Depending on where you live, dating interracially can be difficult and trying on your relationship.
My advice: Figure out what you’re looking for, be selective but flexible, look at what you’re bringing to the table and go for it.
Tomorrow’s Topic: Dating/Marrying a WASP vs Others (There IS a difference)
Tracy
As I mentioned, when I’m asked this question my answer is, “Maybe. I married a WASP, there’s a huge difference in marrying a WASP.”
Personally, I’ve always been attracted to White men. Growing up abroad, I became accustomed to interracial relationships…it wasn’t until we spent times in the States that it became a hot topic. I don’t like to hear Black women prefix their love of White men by saying, “Oh I have nothing against Black men! I love them!” Why are we predisposed to justify our decision to date outside of our race by giving a courtesy nod to Black men? It reeks of guilt.
Anyway, back on topic: Is there really a difference when dating outside of your race”
In my opinion, people are people. Dating/marrying a White man can be different; not better or worse, simply different. For instance, walking into a room of strangers, it normally takes about ten minutes for the White people to realize: I’m not the help and I’m not going to rob them.
With Greg at my side I’m given instant character credit. This has been the biggest difference I’ve noticed. Oprah, Chris Rock and several other affluent Blacks mentioned the same occurrence. I hear what you’re saying, “But Tracy, you have money.” Clearly, it doesn’t matter. If Oprah gets the ten minute evil-eye then none of us should expect any different. It’s the name of the game…sad but true.
I have also noticed Blacks treat me differently. Whether it’s ignoring me altogether or cleaning up their language, I am treated differently. I’m far from snobby but, let’s face it, I don’t speak “Ghetto” and you’ll never see sporting “Baby Phat” or “Apple Bottoms”... that's not who I am and I doubt that would change if I were White. We, Black folks, need to stop judging one another. There are plenty of other races more than willingly to do it for us.
Mentally/Emotionally: I’ve found White men vocalize their thoughts. Whether it’s paying compliments or telling you to back off, they’re very open. To me this openness is a key element to a health relationship. If the lines of communication are lacking during the good times, then what’s going to happen during the bad? The person doesn’t just magically emote. To that end, the “I ain’t no punk!” attitude is wanting…it’s as if they don’t have anything to prove so strutting about flashing their plumage isn’t necessary. I find this to be a good thing.
Sexually: Have mercy!! You guys read my stories. You know what I like (Demand). I need a man take care of every fiber of my being and White men tend to be more adventurous in bed….freaky if you will. Take their yokes off and see what happens! Shhhit, it’ll change your life! Ripping a page from me and Greg’s first night together (and a line from “Office Politics”) “I can be up in you all night baby, just give me the word.”
They're freaks!! I’m talking about toe-curling, peeling the paint off the walls, do whatever it takes to get you off kinda freakiness. And don’t get me started on the cunny! OMG! Seriously, I started crying halfway through the first time; it was that damn good. Full blown heaving “ugly face” sobs. I kid you not—I picked up the phone and called my girlfriend, I had to tell somebody. Greg had your girl messed up!!
Do I think these qualities are only found in White men? No. I think it has more to do with the quality of man you date/marry. My father and brothers are classic examples of good Black men: Over educated, ambitious, handsome, family oriented, and well to do. Don’t think dating/marrying a White man is your ticket out because it’s not. Depending on where you live, dating interracially can be difficult and trying on your relationship.
My advice: Figure out what you’re looking for, be selective but flexible, look at what you’re bringing to the table and go for it.
Tomorrow’s Topic: Dating/Marrying a WASP vs Others (There IS a difference)
Tracy
Spread The Word
2 Responses to "Is There Really a Difference When Dating Outside of Your Race?" 
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said this on 13 Jan 2010 6:03:42 PM CDT
Tracy i did not get a chance to read your post. Based on the title, i can say that is no difference at all. Men are just men, anyway you look at it. I grew up in 3 different countries and i was always surrounded by white men. I love white men, i'm not married to one( go figure)
When i introduced Randy to my family, my dad told me that he thought that i was going to bring a white men home, i never gave him an answer, i'm still not sure how the tables have turned on that. My point is, men are just men. Black men have big dicks, so does white men. Popsicle, Pencil and Vienna sausages dicks are among all races also. Give me a break, people are just people..Period!!! It's sad how some black women married to whites and other races are trying to justify their choices, get the F out of here. |
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said this on 13 Jan 2010 7:24:44 PM CDT
Well said Heidi. It's sad to see Black women justify their choices. Why do we have to do it?! No one else does.
People are people. Assholes come in every race and shade. Some, not all, Black women think that a White man will treat them better or they'll be able to use them for money. Let me tell you, White men don't play that! They just like everyone else when it comes to kicking folks to the curb...matter of fact they'll do it faster. Like I mentioned, it has to do with the quality of the man..not his race. Socially speaking, there are some differences, those mentioned. |