Saying Goodbye
- By Tracy Ames
- Published May 20, 2010
Tracy Ames
Mrs. Ames is an international bestselling author of interracial erotic fiction and a former columnist for several newsletters and magazines.
A native of the San Francisco Bay Area, Tracy currently split time between CT & New York City with her husband, children and a host of pets.
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Good Evening Folks,
Thanks you guys for being so supportive since I’ve been ill. I’m doing better but Greg is still keeping me under wraps. I’m still following his schedule to the letter and haven’t gotten into any trouble with him…although I'd like to point out that HE forgot to feed me the other evening. Yep, he took a nap and overslept. And I was forced to eat trail mix to kill the hunger pains. *smh*
Anyway, back on topic.
As most of you know BC (Baby Clinton) isn’t our blood son. His mother was one of my closest childhood friends who killed herself last year. BC came to live with us because Shawn, his father, is a pilot and flies virtually nonstop.
BC is two years old and he has other siblings but he doesn’t know them. They’re attending boarding school in Switzerland so they’ve seen him once since their mom passed away. Shawn and BC have a great relationship…BC knows Greg isn’t his dad but, to be honest, the kid is a bit confused. All he knows is that he has a big family around him. Who these people are "supposed" to be doesn’t really matter because he's loved. To add to the confusion, Zora, his nanny, has been dating his father for the last few months. Yeah, it’s a love fest here at Casa de Ames.
BC and I have a very special relationship. I’m the only mother he’s ever known. He clung to me like white on rice after his mom passed, that’s how he ended up with us. I couldn’t let him go. BC is my heart and joy. He’s an amazing kid, really he is. He has the warmest hugs, the sweetest kisses, and the brightest blue eyes I’ve ever seen. And he's been my snuggle buddy since I've been on lockdown.
I watched him take his first steps and now I have to let him go. Shawn is leaving American Airlines to work for NetJets. He wanted to spend more time with the kids and NetJets will give him more ground time. I have one more week with my baby before he's gone for good and I don’t quite know how to deal with it.
On one hand I’m happy he’ll be with his dad but on the other I’ll miss him terribly. I know he’ll cry to come home but this won’t be his home anymore and it’s going to break my heart knowing he’s sad. It’ll take some time for him to adjust to his new surroundings. He won’t wake up and go to sleep me, Greg, Eva, Daniel, Lawrence and Portia. That kills me. He has been in a cocoon this past year. He’s used to having a large number of people in the house, his family. Now he won’t, it’ll be him and Shawn and Zora (and Turtle).
Today, BC and I drove to New Haven to drop Eva off at one of her many extracurricular activities. As soon as she was out of the car, I popped in his favorite song, “Ride” by Trace Adkins, and I put it on repeat, turned it up and we sang at the top of our lungs all the way back to Greenwich.
Tomorrow we’re going to the zoo. I want to spend as much time with him as I can because when he leaves I know he’ll be lonely. I know he’ll cry. I know he’ll beg to come home and I’ll have to find strength to tell him no.
Thanks you guys for being so supportive since I’ve been ill. I’m doing better but Greg is still keeping me under wraps. I’m still following his schedule to the letter and haven’t gotten into any trouble with him…although I'd like to point out that HE forgot to feed me the other evening. Yep, he took a nap and overslept. And I was forced to eat trail mix to kill the hunger pains. *smh*
Anyway, back on topic.
As most of you know BC (Baby Clinton) isn’t our blood son. His mother was one of my closest childhood friends who killed herself last year. BC came to live with us because Shawn, his father, is a pilot and flies virtually nonstop.
BC is two years old and he has other siblings but he doesn’t know them. They’re attending boarding school in Switzerland so they’ve seen him once since their mom passed away. Shawn and BC have a great relationship…BC knows Greg isn’t his dad but, to be honest, the kid is a bit confused. All he knows is that he has a big family around him. Who these people are "supposed" to be doesn’t really matter because he's loved. To add to the confusion, Zora, his nanny, has been dating his father for the last few months. Yeah, it’s a love fest here at Casa de Ames.
BC and I have a very special relationship. I’m the only mother he’s ever known. He clung to me like white on rice after his mom passed, that’s how he ended up with us. I couldn’t let him go. BC is my heart and joy. He’s an amazing kid, really he is. He has the warmest hugs, the sweetest kisses, and the brightest blue eyes I’ve ever seen. And he's been my snuggle buddy since I've been on lockdown.
I watched him take his first steps and now I have to let him go. Shawn is leaving American Airlines to work for NetJets. He wanted to spend more time with the kids and NetJets will give him more ground time. I have one more week with my baby before he's gone for good and I don’t quite know how to deal with it.
On one hand I’m happy he’ll be with his dad but on the other I’ll miss him terribly. I know he’ll cry to come home but this won’t be his home anymore and it’s going to break my heart knowing he’s sad. It’ll take some time for him to adjust to his new surroundings. He won’t wake up and go to sleep me, Greg, Eva, Daniel, Lawrence and Portia. That kills me. He has been in a cocoon this past year. He’s used to having a large number of people in the house, his family. Now he won’t, it’ll be him and Shawn and Zora (and Turtle).
Today, BC and I drove to New Haven to drop Eva off at one of her many extracurricular activities. As soon as she was out of the car, I popped in his favorite song, “Ride” by Trace Adkins, and I put it on repeat, turned it up and we sang at the top of our lungs all the way back to Greenwich.
Tomorrow we’re going to the zoo. I want to spend as much time with him as I can because when he leaves I know he’ll be lonely. I know he’ll cry. I know he’ll beg to come home and I’ll have to find strength to tell him no.
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7 Responses to "Saying Goodbye" 
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said this on 24 May 2010 3:38:32 AM CDT
Tracey, I feel so sad for your family that a member of your family will be moving on to live with his father. I am sure that you will still continue to play a major role in BC's life. Hang in there.
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said this on 20 May 2010 11:10:49 PM CDT
Ahhhh man you made me cry. I really wish I can tell you it would be easy but in the beginning it won't but to make it easier on BC talking to him each day then wean to less calls will bring you comfort.
Being the only mom he knows unfortunately will bring him confusion or maybe he may withdraw so if you can speak to him or send him little "memories" it will bring him comfort. You are a natural giver so I am sure you will be able to make the separation just a bit bearable for him although it will not be easy. On your days or time with him get just a little something both of you like put them aside then send to him for his memories, this way he won't feel abandoned. |
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said this on 21 May 2010 12:35:44 AM CDT
Thanks Carol, didn't mean to make you cry. It's tough even now...and he hasn't left. I love my little peanut. I keep telling myself "He's young. He'll forget about it" but that doesn't help.
This is a tough one. |
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said this on 21 May 2010 3:55:21 AM CDT
OMG, that's just so sad and touching and sweet and selfless and everything good all at the same time. I send you all my love and support for an easy transition for you all. It's tough to have someone, anyone to come into your life in such a significant way and then have them leave. I know BC will see you and talk to you but it won't be the same for either of you. I'm sending my prayers to you guys, it cannot be easy for any of you.
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said this on 21 May 2010 4:51:56 AM CDT
Well ok I could be volunteer to take his place, but only because it's You & just because to help You forget him a little at the beginning.
One difference, I'm independent so no surprise & no worry! Maybe going to the zoo, the park, the museum, the café, the academic conference, the philharmonic orchestra, the opera, the theater, the library once a week is ok for an exotic activity in the daily boring uses. That's all I can do, if You have a list maybe with shopping activity it's better ask a woman friend of course! Of course it's just a friend platonic proposition, not one obligation, feel free to continue in yourself choice & project of creation from your will&talent! |
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said this on 21 May 2010 7:51:48 AM CDT
He will never forget about you. I just hope he adjusts okay, especially since he big family is now dwindling down to just two plus turtle. You will be keeping in contact with him, so it should feel like he never left.
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said this on 21 May 2010 4:45:16 PM CDT
OMG! You're making me want to cry! I sure even if he's not living with you anymore you guys will still be a part of each others lives.
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