I received an email from a reader wanting answers to two pressing questions:

How and when I discovered my Dom nature and does it impact me romantically?

That side of me has always been there however it wasn’t until my late teens when I start experimenting. Nothing sexual, mind you—I was more or less dipping my toes into the cultural aspect of Kink. Then I began dating a guy who was the total Alpha male by day and submissive at night.

We would role played and I slowly realized we weren’t ‘playing’. Somehow we’d slipped into a D/s relationship. I could catch his eye from across a crowded room and see a physical change in his behavior. I was sold!!

Not long after that I decided to go for formal training as a Domina. I studied with two Doms before meeting the Dom that changed my life, Brendan. He taught Kink in its purest unsullied form.

Now, before I’m accused of being a control freak in heels, let me point out that being submissive is extremely powerful and erotic. Strictly speaking about the sexual side of Kink, there is a feeling of liberation that’s inherent to submission. The ability to completely let go and trust another persons with your sexuality is wonderful however, when combined with all the mental, emotional and physical aspects of a relationship, it can often be the most sexually intense and emotionally fulfilling experience a person can ever have.

Okay, moving on….

After training for what seemed like an eternity, I finally got the hang of it. Then Brendan allowed me to Top him. Yep, I Topped my teacher! It was fantastic!! And no, we NEVER had sex. Kink isn’t always about sex so get your dirty little minds out of the gutter. When I met Greg it all went to shit. He was in no way shape or form interested in Kink.

*Cue Sad Violins*

I tried coaxing him into nibbling at the Kinky bit but nothing worked so I jumped on him. I literally straddled him one night and he flung me off the bed. Yeah, shock and awe is exactly what I felt. But, alas, we figured out that he was a Top which in hindsight made sense. All that time I’d wasted on trying to break him! Greg Ames is 100% Dom. Once that was sorted out the pieces of the puzzle fell in place.

I switch. He doesn’t. And it works perfectly for us. It also helps me better understand what it’s like being a bottom. It’s bloody awesome. Kink doesn’t impact us romantically so much as it adds to what's already there. We’re both huge romantics, P.S. I Love You, the whole bit. We don’t always mean to engage in Kinky lovin', seems to happen organically. *Shrugs*

There’s your answers. I hope I’ve enlightened you.

Cheers!