Is Your Marriage Based on Mature or Immature Love?
- By Tracy Ames
- Published October 10, 2010
Tracy Ames
Mrs. Ames is an international bestselling author of interracial erotic fiction and a former columnist for several newsletters and magazines.
A native of the San Francisco Bay Area, Tracy currently split time between CT & New York City with her husband, children and a host of pets.
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Greg and I are renewing our marriage vows in a few months. We’d planned on doing it last year however circumstances didn’t permit.
I’d love to say that I remember every detail of our wedding but I don’t. I recall standing with my Dad, waiting for our cue. I was fine until I saw my Dad wipe his eyes. Then the flood gates opened, and I only managed to pull myself together after much effort.
Walking down the aisle is a blur. I remember seeing the back of Greg's head—custom dictates that the groom isn’t to turn and look at the bride until she’s hits the half way mark. When he turned, he exhaled and mouthed, “Oh boy”
The conjuring of dark magic is the only feasible explanation of how we made it through the ceremony without thoroughly and irreversibly disgracing ourselves. Though the threat of embarrassment still lingers, I’m ready to have another swing at it.
While researching venues, I came across this article I’d like to share with you. Funny how love works when you go in with your eyes open.
Is Your Marriage Based on Mature or Immature Love?
Immature love is a "love at first sight" kinda love and a love that will fix 'everything' that's wrong or balance any unbalances between us. A mature love is developed over time and it deepens as we share experiences. Which is yours?
Immature love demands complete focus and attention on us… outsiders are not welcome. A mature love is self-acceptance and confidence and we are able to share him/her with others unselfishly.
Immature love is full of exploitation and the need for self gratification. An "I'll do this for my partner this time only because I know what I (better) get back in return" mentality. Mature love always, ALWAYS tries to strengthen and aid the partner WITHOUT expectations of a payback.
Immature love is built on the physical aspects and sex. Sex is often the foundation of the relationship. A mature love certainly has sex and physical attraction within it, but it's hardly the mainstay of the relationship.
Immature love is always looking for how the partner can change to satisfy our needs or wants. Mature love is based in reality and grows while it accepts the partners's differences and unique creativities.
Immature love is based on a romantic fantasy. Reality is shunned or feared. Mature love embraces reality which makes each partner more complete and the relationship overall strong, healthy and 'real'.
and finally…
Immature love has a "hear and now" mentality and doesn't look to the future and the consequences it brings for today's decisions. Mature love accepts that future consequences were caused my mutual and accepted decisions.
I’d love to say that I remember every detail of our wedding but I don’t. I recall standing with my Dad, waiting for our cue. I was fine until I saw my Dad wipe his eyes. Then the flood gates opened, and I only managed to pull myself together after much effort.
Walking down the aisle is a blur. I remember seeing the back of Greg's head—custom dictates that the groom isn’t to turn and look at the bride until she’s hits the half way mark. When he turned, he exhaled and mouthed, “Oh boy”
The conjuring of dark magic is the only feasible explanation of how we made it through the ceremony without thoroughly and irreversibly disgracing ourselves. Though the threat of embarrassment still lingers, I’m ready to have another swing at it.
While researching venues, I came across this article I’d like to share with you. Funny how love works when you go in with your eyes open.
Is Your Marriage Based on Mature or Immature Love?
Immature love is a "love at first sight" kinda love and a love that will fix 'everything' that's wrong or balance any unbalances between us. A mature love is developed over time and it deepens as we share experiences. Which is yours?
Immature love demands complete focus and attention on us… outsiders are not welcome. A mature love is self-acceptance and confidence and we are able to share him/her with others unselfishly.
Immature love is full of exploitation and the need for self gratification. An "I'll do this for my partner this time only because I know what I (better) get back in return" mentality. Mature love always, ALWAYS tries to strengthen and aid the partner WITHOUT expectations of a payback.
Immature love is built on the physical aspects and sex. Sex is often the foundation of the relationship. A mature love certainly has sex and physical attraction within it, but it's hardly the mainstay of the relationship.
Immature love is always looking for how the partner can change to satisfy our needs or wants. Mature love is based in reality and grows while it accepts the partners's differences and unique creativities.
Immature love is based on a romantic fantasy. Reality is shunned or feared. Mature love embraces reality which makes each partner more complete and the relationship overall strong, healthy and 'real'.
and finally…
Immature love has a "hear and now" mentality and doesn't look to the future and the consequences it brings for today's decisions. Mature love accepts that future consequences were caused my mutual and accepted decisions.
Spread The Word
19 Responses to "Is Your Marriage Based on Mature or Immature Love?" 
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said this on 10 Oct 2010 7:47:15 AM CDT
Yes, yes , yes so true.. immature love I remember seeing some “signs” that my ex wasn’t the one but I did the classic mistake and fooled myself into believing that I could/mold him into the man I want/need
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said this on 10 Oct 2010 5:18:06 PM CDT
I think every woman does this at some point in her life. We want this person so bad that we fool ourselves into thinking we're "that special"--that once we work our magic--if we love them just a little bit more they'll become the person we want them to be.
Rubbish. |
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said this on 10 Oct 2010 8:13:12 AM CDT
Ok tell the story, how did you two meet? How long have you've been married? If it was in one of your earlier blogs, I missed the story. I think Immature love can grow into a mature love because after a while people realize they actually have to work to make a real marriage. My parents have been married for 41 years, and they still make sure they work at it. Drive each other crazy, but I think they are having fun.
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said this on 10 Oct 2010 5:46:54 PM CDT
Long story short, we met at a gathering--I thought he was hot--we talked all night--went on a three dates--he proposed--and here we are years later.
The reason our relationship worked from the every beginning was because we came from similiar backgrounds (strong parents) and we knew what we wanted in a mate and ourselves (eyes wide open). |
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said this on 10 Oct 2010 2:31:01 PM CDT
Amin and my love is based in both. Because we both still seek to change or reverse the changes we made to/for the other. But we also accept and honor each there differences.
We have been through the fire. We have suffered the lose of a child. And we survived. I fell so deeply in love with him while he brought me back to life. This man actually saw me at death's door and made me want to laugh again. That's deep. I was so hateful. But he made me see the God in him. He was living for Aisha. He was so Fresh. We do struggle. But we are a Family. And it works.. I love how you love your man. And it's inspiring. Peace. |
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said this on 10 Oct 2010 5:58:02 PM CDT
The bonds of marriage are either strengthened or weaked by the loss of a child. It will never be the same again....and that's a good thing especially where men are concerned. Some, not all, become more connected to their wives...more of a protector.
After the loss of our first child, my Grandma told us, "This is nothing. It happens all of the time. You're not the first and you won't be the last." I love that woman. |
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said this on 10 Oct 2010 7:45:26 PM CDT
Mature love all the way...I'm a widow. It's been 5 years now. I'd been married once before and the difference is the first husband I couldn't really trust to move out of state and away from my family with and the love of my life I would absolutely have gone to the moon with, no questions asked! Now I'm so set on not "going there again" that I've let myself go with my weight to probably sabotage myself in not getting involved again. I absolutely said "I'm done!" after my husband died and I meant it. I probably should give myself a break.....I don't know. Tracy, I'm with Nalo...I love how you love your man. You know I live variously through you and yours. Maybe one day I'll want to "go there" again!
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said this on 10 Oct 2010 9:31:38 PM CDT
Thank you, Debbie. I don't know how to love him any different. He's such a good person. Who knows, maybe one day you will decide to 'go there' again. I don't think you've sabotaged yourself--you lost the love of your life...it takes time to recover.
I believe our horrible relationships prepare us for the real thing. It's not so much about the bad men teaching us how to appreciate the good ones. It's about our growth and maturity as well. |
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said this on 12 Oct 2010 10:31:06 PM CDT
I say that I've seen both immature and mature love. More mature love on my side, but, that is life sometimes. I just love the way you show love for your husband Tracy. I like how you are so free spirited, open and honest. Praying for you and yours.
I am single again now for several years, divorced and wanting and not wanting to get in another relationship. But, you ladies inspire me to want to venture out again. Just afraid of getting hurt and being attached. |
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said this on 12 Oct 2010 10:59:06 PM CDT
Thank you so much, Moni. I'm very lucky to have found my soul mate.
I hope you venture out into the dating world again. Getting hurt is always a threat...but it's worth it. And I suspect you have the instinct that'll help you avoid those landmines. |
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said this on 13 Oct 2010 9:24:22 PM CDT
You might be right about that Tracy... Thanks for the advice.
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said this on 15 Oct 2010 11:52:46 AM CDT
That was lovely and so true. In my first marriage it was all immature when we first got together and as time went by I matured and he didn't it was sad but we really weren't meant to be. But I learned quite a bit about myself and what I wanted, needed, and was willing to give to a partner. Now as I get ready to gt married again next year, I've finally found a mature, lasting, and abiding love and it's wonderful. It looks different, it feels different, it sounds different, it reacts differently but it's so nice. When I look at Matt I am happy we're getting married, can't wait for the wedding but more than that I'm excited to be his wife and I never felt that with my ex. I say to people before I met him my life was cake, it was a good life and after I was blessed with him it was like getting ice cream with my cake, an enhancing treat. Man, I'm completely head over heels.
Tracy, enjoy the renewal of your vows from all the stories you tell about you and Greg you two have a awesome love affair. |
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said this on 15 Oct 2010 12:29:08 PM CDT
Eugenia, happily ever after does exsit ;-) I love stories with great ending
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said this on 15 Oct 2010 12:59:15 PM CDT
Eugenia, folks often forget that we learn more from our troubled relationships than we do from the blissful ones. Ideally, one doesn’t go looking for heartache but when it happens we should hold on to what we’ve learned and let go of the pain…you can’t hold on to both and welcome new love (even self love) into your life. What you and Matt have is special. Love him with everything you have.
Now, if I can knock out these vows without crying I’ll be happy. I can’t even write them without crying…how sad it that!? Greg finished his last night and then hugged me, “I’m so glad I get to die first.” Seriously, WTH!? |
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said this on 16 Oct 2010 8:49:53 AM CDT
TA, Greg is a sweetheart, I've heard that line (or something close) 3x in my life. all the guys made their wife promise to die before them (like the wifes have that much control lol) because if she went first they were sure they couldn't survive without her. ;-) Will Eva be able to make it to the ceremony?
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said this on 16 Oct 2010 9:40:05 AM CDT
Eva will be there. Luckily the advisors post their classwork online daily. We had a webcast with her advisors yesterday...she's doing well...bored but well.
Why do men change when they marry? When they're single, they love their freedom. But when they marry, they don't EVER want to be alone again...ever! Strange. |
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said this on 16 Oct 2010 1:45:52 PM CDT
okay that's it. I'm getting married in Vegas. and I'm gonna be so drunk I'll make ted kennedy look like a teetotaler. Thanks for the scare Trace! Hey, finally got my internet back! It's only been 10 months! lol
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said this on 17 Oct 2010 8:06:24 AM CDT
Good! It's about time. I know it was pain being without it. Go for Vegas...it's cheaper, a lot less of a headache, and the booze is included.
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said this on 20 Oct 2010 7:21:55 PM CDT
lol... booze better be included because I might be a dad and the freak out will ensue! I need to have my fun now because the party might be over! I'm gonna miss not having responsibility.
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