Scene:
Target check out lane.  White Plains, NY 

Cast:
Tracy
300 lb woman
Woman's three children under the age of ten
Woman's spindly, oily, sparsely toothed male companion



Fat woman turns to Tracy, giving her the evil eye.

Tracy gives a tight lipped smile and says, “Hi.”

Unimpressed, fat lady turns to her male companion, “I’ll be right back.”

Tracy holds her breath as the fat lady wedges past her. Though Tracy’s nostrils are being inundated by wayward wafts of Skin-so-Soft, secretly she pleads for the woman not to leave her with her creepy male specimen. No such luck, the woman waddles off with two of her children.

Tracy is alone with a sticky-fingered cart size kid and twiggy guy. She tries to erase the despair from her face but fails miserably. Her eyes dart to one closed register after another. Reassigned to her fate, Tracy determines she won’t cry, curse, or burst into flames. She steadies herself.

“How you doin’, momma?” Weird guy says.

Tracy is immediately alarmed by the scarcity of teeth. She smiles fakely. “Fine.”

Guy keeps talking nonsense. Tracy looks around for a newly opened register. The kid continues to eat pilfered merchandise from the display.

“I said, wah up wit da numba?” the guys says, bring Tracy out of her daze with the gentleness of an electric chair.

“What?”

Guy moves closer, Tracy grimaces and backs way. “Gimme yo numba fo my gurl get hare?”

Tracy flips through her internal Ebonics guide supplied by 50Mil. Reference, cross-reference, deduct, compute. Bingo! “Oh! You want my number? Yeeeeah, no. I’m married and you have a lady friend.” Even if these obstacles were removed, Tracy still wouldn’t give him the time of day.

“Wussup, fo rel dough?”

Tracy confused.

“I said, fo rel dough.”

Tracy frowns.

“You know what I’m sayin?”

“No! That’s the second thing you’ve said that I've fully understood.” Tracy dodges the grasp of the knee-high finger smith. “Your child is stealing candy. You should pay more attention to him and leave me alone. I’m sooo going to blog about you when I get home! Fo rel dough!!”

Guy says nothing until the fat woman returns. Tracy leaves and tells Greg what happened in the car. It was a long ride home. Greg makes Tracy repeat the event while he laughs. :( 


And to think, I used like Target