Finger Wagging Time
- By Tracy Ames
- Published December 10, 2010
Tracy Ames
Mrs. Ames is an international bestselling author of interracial erotic fiction and a former columnist for several newsletters and magazines.
A native of the San Francisco Bay Area, Tracy currently split time between CT & New York City with her husband, children and a host of pets.
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I’ve been working on this post for the past month or two. It’s an unpleasant topic but nevertheless one which must be addressed.
I’ve written previously about personal boundaries. I do accept some measure of responsibility in the forthcoming situation and I understand my casual personality and accessibility may have fueled the problem even though as adults we should know better.
A month or two ago I posted a video trailer on FB for a Showtime series entitled “Look”. After posting, a reader verbally and unjustly attacked Adam Rifkin, the mastermind behind the show and a string of other hits.
Whether or not the person saw Adam on the post (which he was) is irrelevant; it’s profoundly immature to publicly attack anyone especially when you don't know them. Adam is dear friends of ours and this entire incident was unbelievably embarrassing—my damn phone was ringing off the hook!
I can’t tell you how many times I heard, “Who the fuck is this guy bashing Adam?”
Look guys, name dropping gets on my bloody nerves so PLEASE if you see someone on my page DO NOT assume their assistants are running their profile because 9 times out of 10 it’s not the case. As a result, I’m making my contacts private and I ask everyone to be mindful of their conduct.
This really saddens me. I thought that as adults we knew how to behave, and maybe my sociability has emboldened people to the point they feel it’s within their right to take liberties with me and by proxy my friends. Regardless, there’s no excuse for carrying one’s self like a jackass.
Saying hello or ‘hey, I saw your film’ is welcomed (as you guys did for Eric Bross*) however rudeness will not be tolerated. Please don’t, under any circumstances, mistake my kindness for weakness. You’ll find I’m tougher than you think especially where the people closest and dearest to me are concerned.
Seriously, calloused social graces knock me to hell and back. Yes, everyone has the right to their opinions but there's a time and place for everything. We’re all adults—let’s act like it.
*Sorry I forgot to pass on Eric’s thanks for supporting his Nickelodeon project. I was so touched to see how many of my readers lent their blogs and sites for promotions. You rock! I love you guys, really.
I’ve written previously about personal boundaries. I do accept some measure of responsibility in the forthcoming situation and I understand my casual personality and accessibility may have fueled the problem even though as adults we should know better.
A month or two ago I posted a video trailer on FB for a Showtime series entitled “Look”. After posting, a reader verbally and unjustly attacked Adam Rifkin, the mastermind behind the show and a string of other hits.
Whether or not the person saw Adam on the post (which he was) is irrelevant; it’s profoundly immature to publicly attack anyone especially when you don't know them. Adam is dear friends of ours and this entire incident was unbelievably embarrassing—my damn phone was ringing off the hook!
I can’t tell you how many times I heard, “Who the fuck is this guy bashing Adam?”
Look guys, name dropping gets on my bloody nerves so PLEASE if you see someone on my page DO NOT assume their assistants are running their profile because 9 times out of 10 it’s not the case. As a result, I’m making my contacts private and I ask everyone to be mindful of their conduct.
This really saddens me. I thought that as adults we knew how to behave, and maybe my sociability has emboldened people to the point they feel it’s within their right to take liberties with me and by proxy my friends. Regardless, there’s no excuse for carrying one’s self like a jackass.
Saying hello or ‘hey, I saw your film’ is welcomed (as you guys did for Eric Bross*) however rudeness will not be tolerated. Please don’t, under any circumstances, mistake my kindness for weakness. You’ll find I’m tougher than you think especially where the people closest and dearest to me are concerned.
Seriously, calloused social graces knock me to hell and back. Yes, everyone has the right to their opinions but there's a time and place for everything. We’re all adults—let’s act like it.
*Sorry I forgot to pass on Eric’s thanks for supporting his Nickelodeon project. I was so touched to see how many of my readers lent their blogs and sites for promotions. You rock! I love you guys, really.
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22 Responses to "Finger Wagging Time" 
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said this on 10 Dec 2010 4:34:14 PM CDT
I hear you Tracy. We do enjoy a sense of family in this bubble and it sucks that someone abused this trust. Whomever this reader is, I'll say this to them, "You're an idiot".
Thank you for trying to stay open and accessible you your readers. Peace!! |
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said this on 10 Dec 2010 4:48:47 PM CDT
Nalo, you're family now. Get over it. Folks should mind their manners. You don't carry on like that, you know?
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said this on 10 Dec 2010 4:43:36 PM CDT
Tracy I saw the post you're talking about. I didn't comment on it but I followed it. That guy was out of line. I wouldn't have been mad at Adam if he told him off. He took it too far but you put him in his place. I was like Tracy's gonna snap!! BTW my kids loved Eric's movie! I sent him a thank you note.
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said this on 10 Dec 2010 5:09:09 PM CDT
Thanks Carole for all of your help. Eric is so talented. BC was flipping around the house all weekend thanks to his movie! :) I tried to cool things down before Adam and Greg went into attack mode.
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said this on 10 Dec 2010 9:51:53 PM CDT
why did you stop Mr. Adam and Mr. G, girl I haven't seen a good "fist" fight in a long time!!!! (just kidding-no I'm not) ;-)
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said this on 10 Dec 2010 10:01:56 PM CDT
I know you aren't kidding! Adam & Greg wouldn't have stopped until blood covered the floor, lol. I'm on the phone with Lydia and Olga and my second line was blowing up! I was so ashamed.
And you know how Greg's mouth can be. WHEW! |
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said this on 10 Dec 2010 4:59:00 PM CDT
Tracy, I know this was bothering you and it sucks that "Mama Bear" sometimes has to set us straight, but it's cool to set some stuff straight. Now, we all have been warned and can behave accordingly. Ya did good lady! *smile*
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said this on 10 Dec 2010 5:05:51 PM CDT
Olga, I forgot you were a witness to the drama, lol! It was rough but I think the last straw was when Daniel called from Switzerland (not being involved in or having knowledge of any earlier conversations) and said "Dude, who the fuck is this guy?" Grr! I was done! Thanks for calming me down. :) And yes, it has been bothering me for a while.
I don't like having to warn adults. |
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said this on 10 Dec 2010 5:36:08 PM CDT
It a little like someone being invited to one's home for a nice dinner and the guest calmly, stands in the chair, climbs onto the table, unzips his pants, and pees on the main course. At first, all the other people at the table are in shock, staring and saying WTF! Then, fists start flying. Somehow, you manage to dodge the flying fists, but the inappropriate peeing still had to be addressed.
(you know me and an analogy...I always have to go a little too far) |
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said this on 10 Dec 2010 8:02:15 PM CDT
LMFAO!!! Olga, I just re-read your post. Holy cow, you're a nutter. Poor Greg is in tears. LOL!
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said this on 10 Dec 2010 7:49:58 PM CDT
I'm with Nalo on this one. This dude is an idiot who abused your trust. In the end people like him can make you more guarded and we appreciate how you've stayed candid and open. Unfortunately just because someone is of age doesn't mean they're adults mentally.
I hope you deleted this person. Maybe you should post this to all of your social networking sites so you don't come across anymore problems like this. |
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said this on 10 Dec 2010 8:48:52 PM CDT
Cali, I feel like I’m becoming more distrustful of people. And it’s a sickening feeling that I can’t put into words.
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said this on 10 Dec 2010 9:18:15 PM CDT
Becoming distrustful just can't be helped given these past months' events. However you don't want to be a cynic. As a recovering cynic I can tell you that it's a lonely and very closed off life. It's cool to be a little guarded, but don't let this d-bags make you standoffish. Your husband goes out for target practice right? Grab one of his rifles and go shoot something. You'll feel a whole lot better. Lol :-)
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said this on 10 Dec 2010 10:43:55 PM CDT
Manners & basic human decency seems to elude some people when it comes to online interaction. They are under the misconceived notion that they are anonymous. I mean the irony of it is that they are criticizing a filmmaker who points out how nothing is private and you are often than not watched by a camera with creepy or silly security guys behind the scene.
ps. thanks for linking 'look the series,' how creepy that changing rooms have hidden camera. There is a reason I never use it no matter how high end a given chain/store is. |
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said this on 10 Dec 2010 11:03:54 PM CDT
You're absolutely spot on. I literally choked on the irony of it all! Adam should have been the last person he attacked. Even still, he shouldn't have carried on like that. I don't blame you for skipping the dressing rooms. Gross!
You're more than welcome for the link. I'm actually trying to get Adam to do a book trailer for me. We'll see if he goes for it. :) |
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said this on 12 Dec 2010 9:45:43 PM CDT
awesome and thanks for the wlc over @ FB.
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said this on 12 Dec 2010 10:38:43 PM CDT
You're more than welcome, dearest.
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said this on 11 Dec 2010 3:19:30 PM CDT
It's ridciulous that you should even have to address this issue. Like you said we are all adults and should act like it. The guy was completely out of line. Especially since I know you are very careful about the people you accept or invite as friends on your facebook page. So for him to act up like that and attack a friend of yours must been very upsetting and felt like a breach of your trust. Unfortunately some people just don't know how to act. One of the draw backs to the internet is that because we are behind a computer. Some people seem to take that as fair game to say and do they wouldn't it they were face to face. Tell Adam I very much enjoyed his series. Allthough it did creep my out a little. lol
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said this on 11 Dec 2010 11:59:08 PM CDT
Ha! Adam gets that all of the time but I'll be sure to tell him. :) Hell, he can read it here! He's such a great guy.
Crystal, you're right and it's bothered me since it happened. The fact that the person was someone I'd grown to trust and admire is what really got to me. But it's like Greg said, he became too comfortable with me. Now I feel guarded. Of course P-Unit and the rest of the gang are considered family. But I can feel myself pushing away from those I don't know either from the site or regular interaction. And that saddens me. I'm used to being so open. I was going to write a blog post following our VT trip but I was too lazy.:) We had to switch B&Bs because some dude called asking to speak to me. The innkeeper told him to buggery off but still. It's my fault, I shouldn't have post the inns name. Now I have to find a new venue for our vow renewal. from now on I'll be careful what I post. |
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said this on 12 Dec 2010 11:35:52 AM CDT
OMG! Someone tried to call you in VT? That is creepy. I guess some people just don't understand boundaries. The place you had picked out for your vow renewal was so beautiful. I'm sorry you guys have to change it.
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said this on 12 Dec 2010 10:40:56 PM CDT
Yes, some guy called the inn. I blew it off thinking it was one of my brothers but Greg checked the number and it was no one we knew. Sick fuck! So we're changing our venue. :(
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said this on 26 Dec 2010 5:07:22 PM CDT
That's so awful! I'm sorry that happened. What a huge bummer to have to change your life and your plans for some other's sick fuckery. Makes you want to hire a security guard and dare mofo's to start some ish. Don't start none, won't be none! Makes me so mad...
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