Stepfathers: How not to ingratiate yourself with your new family.


Pressure your new wife into bequeathing you all her worldly possession to the exclusion of her children.

Insist on being addressed as “Emperor’.

Openly flirt with female family members – or male members if you get down like that.

 


Invite your sister to move in without consulting your new wife.

Refer to your new stepchildren as malcontents when they (rightly) complain about their mother’s decline in living standards and sudden weight loss.
 
Refer to your new niece as plan-B.

Hand out ration coupons to your wife although you moved into her house, eat her food, and contribute little more than a sweat stained sheet and the occasional burp to the household.


At the holiday table, begin each sentence with “My last girlfriend…”

At the holiday table, end each sentence with “Lick my balls”

Employ a portable dinner gong.
 
Greet your stepchildren with "Wussup Haters?"





Drop the kids off with your mother in-law while you take your girlfriend to the movies (in your wife’s car).

Ask your father in-law to stop looking at your woman, then end the conversation with “Don’t start nothing, won’t be nothing gramps!”