Monday Ramble
- By Tracy Ames
- Published April 25, 2011
Tracy Ames
Mrs. Ames is an international bestselling author of interracial erotic fiction and a former columnist for several newsletters and magazines.
A native of the San Francisco Bay Area, Tracy currently split time between Greenwich CT & New York City with her husband, children and a host of pets.
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Stepfathers: How not to ingratiate yourself with your new family.
Pressure your new wife into bequeathing you all her worldly possession to the exclusion of her children.
Insist on being addressed as “Emperor’.
Openly flirt with female family members – or male members if you get down like that.
Invite your sister to move in without consulting your new wife.
Refer to your new stepchildren as malcontents when they (rightly) complain about their mother’s decline in living standards and sudden weight loss.
Refer to your new niece as plan-B.
Hand out ration coupons to your wife although you moved into her house, eat her food, and contribute little more than a sweat stained sheet and the occasional burp to the household.
At the holiday table, begin each sentence with “My last girlfriend…”
At the holiday table, end each sentence with “Lick my balls”
Employ a portable dinner gong.
Greet your stepchildren with "Wussup Haters?"
Drop the kids off with your mother in-law while you take your girlfriend to the movies (in your wife’s car).
Ask your father in-law to stop looking at your woman, then end the conversation with “Don’t start nothing, won’t be nothing gramps!”
Pressure your new wife into bequeathing you all her worldly possession to the exclusion of her children.
Insist on being addressed as “Emperor’.
Openly flirt with female family members – or male members if you get down like that.
Invite your sister to move in without consulting your new wife.
Refer to your new stepchildren as malcontents when they (rightly) complain about their mother’s decline in living standards and sudden weight loss.
Refer to your new niece as plan-B.
Hand out ration coupons to your wife although you moved into her house, eat her food, and contribute little more than a sweat stained sheet and the occasional burp to the household.
At the holiday table, begin each sentence with “My last girlfriend…”
At the holiday table, end each sentence with “Lick my balls”
Employ a portable dinner gong.
Greet your stepchildren with "Wussup Haters?"
Drop the kids off with your mother in-law while you take your girlfriend to the movies (in your wife’s car).
Ask your father in-law to stop looking at your woman, then end the conversation with “Don’t start nothing, won’t be nothing gramps!”
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13 Responses to "Monday Ramble"
said this on 25 Apr 2011 6:51:09 PM CDT
Wha??? I'm lost. I'm lmao, but I'm still lost. Help anyone? Whose family?
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said this on 26 Apr 2011 2:53:09 PM CDT
Oh no, it's not directed at anyone. I was simply rambling based on my long wait in long at Whole Foods and the fact that my article isn't back yet. Ha!
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said this on 25 Apr 2011 8:08:35 PM CDT
LOL *SMH* You are too funny, Tracy :)
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said this on 26 Apr 2011 2:54:32 PM CDT
Girl, it's good to be back!
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said this on 25 Apr 2011 9:54:54 PM CDT
As the list first began, I thought this was a list of things some recent stepfather had actually done. By the time I got to the niece being "plan B" I started to get wise.
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said this on 26 Apr 2011 2:57:12 AM CDT
WB, yeah but you never know right?!?! lol
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said this on 26 Apr 2011 2:55:36 PM CDT
Glad you caught on.:) I ramblr when my articles take too long. What really sucks is I can't post any new stories until it comes back! *breathe*
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said this on 26 Apr 2011 12:27:49 AM CDT
This made me giggle. You forgot, bring your girlfriend to dinner/holidays/your step-child's whatever event and introduce her as your cousin and than get caught making out with her at said event.
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said this on 26 Apr 2011 3:00:18 PM CDT
Girl no! Someone would go to jail! That takes balls of steel. I'd die, just die! BTW, Greg said stop encouraging my madness.:)
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said this on 26 Apr 2011 10:20:34 PM CDT
If I tell you this a factual account I did not witness but was told to me by a credible source, does that absolve me of encouraging your madness;)
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said this on 26 Apr 2011 2:39:46 PM CDT
Heidi, I'm with you on this one.
This is too funny, but I am lost. You have me speechless Tracy. LOL! |
said this on 26 Apr 2011 3:01:54 PM CDT
It's a mindless ramble, trust me. lol
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