If you're like me you're probably wondering why a list like this hasn't been comprised. Well it has now!

Today I'm counting down the seven sluttiest cartoon characters and why they are sluts. Now bear in mind, nothing wrong with being a slut. In fact the title should be worn with pride if you are one.

These cartoon tramps might be sluts but they own it! I mean own it. So let's get down to business.

Afterwards, let me know if you agree with what's on the list.

7. Luanne (King of the Hill)

It's hard to hate on Luanne because she's so dumb.Usually sluts have power because other women are jealous of them but you just can't be jealous of Luanne. She has a body that would make any man sweat beer, but the IQ of a toenail. So you can't help but pity her. So what makes Luanne a slut? She uses her dumbness for attention from men. She knows she's stupid and she uses that to her advantage. She's a cheap piece of low-grade trailer trash that prances around half-naked in front of her uncle and cousin. She dates anything with two legs, undresses in front of windows so innocent young boys can see, walks around in front of her adolescent cousin in a towel and even married a toothless hick twice her age and had a baby.Men don't take her on dates, they just take her. That's why Luanne is number seven on our list.

6. Lois Griffin (Family Guy)

Wow Lois is something else. She is pure slut. When Lois is not making fun of her obese, beauty-challenged daughter Meg, she's sticking her ass in Brian's face. That's right. Brian's the Griffin family dog and he's had the hots for Lois for years. Don't be fooled into thinking she doesn't know it. She went so far as to let him examine the "swelling" of her nipples after she breastfed Stewie. Lois is a slut because she had an affair with her daughter's beau, she's gone out on dates with other men including Glenn Quagmire, she loves to have loud sex, she loves black men with big dicks and she humped Peter's bones at his job in front of a fellow co-worker. She even married Brian when she thought Peter was dead! Oh and let's not forget that she loves to be burned with cigarettes during sex. That's why Lois Griffin is number six on our list.

5. Judy Jetson (The Jetsons)

If there was a picture next to horny in the dictionary, it would be Judy's face. Judy fell in love every hour with a different man. She had so many boyfriends she had to write their names in her diary just to keep up. She is a slick floosy though. She plays the part of innocent teenager when her parents are around but we all know the real Judy Jetson. And if you still believe Judy is a virgin you are beyond rescue. She's had more guys than the military. When she said she wanted to get a head in school, she meant it. That's why Judy Jetson is number five on our list.

4. JEM (Jem and the Holograms)

Jem will always hold a special place in my heart. I'm an 80's child and Jem was my favorite cartoon character and television show. But that didn't excuse the fact that she was a big slut. I know many might not agree because Jem put herself up as this innocent goody two-shoes but she had an angle. What's so funny about Jem is that she wasn't even real. She was a hologram! She was the alter-ego of Jerrica Benton and couldn't keep her hands off Jerrica's man, Rio.So this tramp was not only being shady with Rio, she was stealing her own man from herself! Have mercy!Let's just say Jem's playing wasn't only limited to songs on the stage. She got off on her sick game and sold her own self out for a man. That's why Jem is number four on our list.

3. Olive Oyl (Popeye)

Hands down Olive was the smartest of all the sluts. Don't be fooled. She is a very smart woman. Why? How can a woman as ugly and lanky as Olive have not one but two men fighting over her and it last for over 40 years if she wasn't smart? Something like that takes brains to make happen! She had Bruno pussy whipped. It was like she put a spell on his big ass. She was a slut and a tease. Bruno chased after her because she led him on. She was in his face every time Popeye was gone then when Popeye came around, she'd play the victim. Of course Popeye (who's dumber than a pot of piss) fell for it every time. I don't get Bruno's attraction to Olive. I'm sorry. She must've been the only woman in the whole damn town for him to run after her. You can't blame Olive for playing around with Bruno though. Popeye was ugly as hell. If my man was dimwitted, cockeyed and had no teeth I'd be teasing other men too.That's why Olive is number three on our list.

2. Smurfette

Ain't she adorable and sweet? Uh-huh. That's part of her charm so don't be fooled. Why was Smurfette a slut? Oh this won't take long. Let me see, maybe because she sashayed around in a short dress without underwear and shared a village with a ton of little blue men? If you think Smurfette wasn't fucking all the Smurfs then I got a village to sell you myself. She was fucking Papa Smurf too then she'd sneak in the tents at night and do a gang bang with Brainy and Grouchy. She was something else! You can imagine what those tents smelled like. Yuck! That's why Smurfette, although as cute as a button, is number two on our list.

And now the moment you've been waiting for. Who is queen slut of the cartoon divas? Oh you shouldn't have to guess. How many respectable women wear dresses higher than their garter belts and sit around sucking their fingers all day waiting to steal other women's men?

The top slut is...


She is the ultimate slut. The slut of all cartoon sluts and in all these years no one has ever taken her place. Why is Betty a slut? Well an easier question would be, “Why Not?”

Best Wishes!

Get my latest, the popular IR/Mystery "Giving up the Ghost". Available in ebook, paperback and hardcover (through Black Expressions)