At A Crossroad
- By Tracy Ames
- Published November 26, 2011
Tracy Ames
Mrs. Ames is an international bestselling author of interracial erotic fiction and a former columnist for several newsletters and magazines.
A native of the San Francisco Bay Area, Tracy currently split time between CT & New York City with her husband, children and a host of pets.
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I know I’m too sensitive when it comes to children. I hurt for those I can’t help. I pine for those I’ve lost. And I love those I’m blessed with.
Children are innocent. They didn’t ask to be born. They’re the physical manifestation of adult interaction. I’ll stone to death the first child born of their own fruition that turns out to be a douche bag. Until then, I stand by my statement hitherto.
My writing, family obligations and my children’s charities are kicking my butt. In the past I’ve weathered the storm with relative ease. However the more involved I become, the more mentally taxing I find it.
Watching endless footage of suffering children without the slightest glimmer of hope, pouring over stats and picking apart ineffective laws, preparing for committee meetings into the wee hours of the morning, fighting exhaustion and nightmares have brought me to a crossroad and I have to make some difficult decisions.
But then I feel a little silly when I think of my grandmother raising ten children, working, taking care of her parents, heading up her gaggle of Eastern Stars, and leading a committee for prison reform in an age when most women were stuck in the kitchen.
I asked my grandma for advice but she didn’t give me any. She said “Do what you can.” and changed the subject.
Do what I can!?! What the hell does that mean?!?! I can’t pretend she was much help.
Children are innocent. They didn’t ask to be born. They’re the physical manifestation of adult interaction. I’ll stone to death the first child born of their own fruition that turns out to be a douche bag. Until then, I stand by my statement hitherto.
My writing, family obligations and my children’s charities are kicking my butt. In the past I’ve weathered the storm with relative ease. However the more involved I become, the more mentally taxing I find it.
Watching endless footage of suffering children without the slightest glimmer of hope, pouring over stats and picking apart ineffective laws, preparing for committee meetings into the wee hours of the morning, fighting exhaustion and nightmares have brought me to a crossroad and I have to make some difficult decisions.
But then I feel a little silly when I think of my grandmother raising ten children, working, taking care of her parents, heading up her gaggle of Eastern Stars, and leading a committee for prison reform in an age when most women were stuck in the kitchen.
I asked my grandma for advice but she didn’t give me any. She said “Do what you can.” and changed the subject.
Do what I can!?! What the hell does that mean?!?! I can’t pretend she was much help.
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7 Responses to "At A Crossroad" 
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said this on 26 Nov 2011 10:21:10 AM CDT
You can only do so much, do what you can handle and pray that the others will hold up until you can get to them. You don't want anything to fall by the wayside but unfortunately some may, but if you are mentally/physically unable to help at all because you are burnt out, then all else will suffer.
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said this on 26 Nov 2011 5:37:14 PM CDT
You're right, Wanda. There are days when I wish I'd remained a clueless sheep, blindly going through life without a care. But noooo! Every time I remove a charity from my list, I re-add it. This sucks.
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said this on 27 Nov 2011 10:43:45 AM CDT
Tracy, it's true: once your eyes are opened, you can never close them again. I agree with your Grandmother: Do what you can .......... and have a glass.
From this very grateful and humble human: THANK YOU VERY VERY MUCH for your dedication and help. Merci Vielmal. |
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said this on 28 Nov 2011 2:55:45 AM CDT
You're so sweet! And you're right...I'll do what I can. I tell ya, closing your eyes is DAMN hard! Some people think putting in a few hours or writing a check will magically change things when in fact it's the laws which have to be dealt with. Band-aids, though gladly welcomed, won't solve anything.
I'm exhausted...this last case has worn me out. I can't get the images out of my head. How did child protection not realize a crippled girl was left in my wheelchair for so long that the flesh on the ENTIRE rear of her body was eaten down to the bone? That child had massive holes. She died 24hrs AFTER her CP worker visited and gave her foster parents an excellent review. That poor, poor innocent child. I can't imagine the pain she was in. You never get use to seeing this stuff. Now I have to walk away, and it's killing me. |
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said this on 28 Nov 2011 4:04:31 PM CDT
I've found many in these positions of protecting, caring and looking after children are some of the worst offenders. It seems they have gotten so hardened by what they see, that they end up doing the opposite of protecting the innocent. Hence why we NEED people like yourself, Tracy. People who would NEVER give up, NO MATTER WHAT.
I'm sending you tons of energy. May your karma live on for eons. BIG kiss. |
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said this on 28 Nov 2011 10:27:06 PM CDT
I agree with the other. When we all the suffering and crazy stuff going on in the world especially with childern. The first reaction is to fix it all make everyhting better for every single one them. Unfortunatey it's impossible all we can only do what we can and hope that others will be join in and help pick up the slack.
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said this on 29 Nov 2011 12:47:49 AM CDT
Tracy, Grandma doesn't want to relive it. That's why she says "Do what you can"! That's why she changes the subject! It's a mess and a half, she knows it and she knows you know it. You have to do the best you can and realize you cannot do everything and save all of them. Listen to Grandma....just do what you can and you'll know your cutoff point....
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