The boys love it and it keeps them occupied. The downside is their sharpened cat-like skills.
BC and Isaac are now super spies.
You’ve been warned. *SMH*
Yesterday, Zora hosted a French Society luncheon at the house. There were about twenty people including their children.
BC sought out the only little Black girl and made her his girlfriend. In fantasy land, this is a “Awww! How cute!” gesture—but we’re in the real world. BC loves Black hair especially braids. He calls them snakes.
The love birds quickly ditched the rest of the children and snuck off to play by themselves. They pushed each other around in boxes, built an obstacle course in the hallway, played Simon under the dining table, made snow cones, and fed the animals.
For BC, this is a huge milestone. Sometimes it takes a while for him to warm to new people. Not the case with this little girl. They hit it off immediately so we weren’t surprised when he asked if she could come back tomorrow (today) to make brownies. Of course, we agreed and they left.
All evening, he kept referring to her as his girlfriend. When asked his definition of a girlfriend, he answered: a girl who doesn’t mess with stuff—she’s nice and doesn’t chew with her mouth open.
Oh yeah! My boy has high standards.
- By Tracy Ames
- Published April 19, 2012
Diary of a Reformed Harlot: Part Eight is now available. Yay!
I hope you enjoy. The next installment will be available next Thursday.
Look for "Sins of My Father" this weekend.
You guys are the best....thanks for your emails of encouragement.
I would continue babbling but I'm exhausted. Kisses!
Howard, Greg’s younger brother, loss his wife to leukemia three years ago. Now he’s back on the market. Thus far, things are horrid at best.
You see, he’s rather awkward with women – kinda like Simon but less stalker-ish. This is only with women. In all other areas, he’s fine.
Okay, so, ‘fine’ is stretching it. Like most of his family, Howard lacks a filter.
For example, one night while watching movies in the hospital, he says, “Why are all the cool people on the internet gay? Not that there’s anything wrong with being gay; it’s just a point of interest. Straight people are boring.”
Did I mention he’s a doctor? Yep, he is.
He has a girlfriend we’ll call Millie for sake of anonymity. Millie isn’t Ames’ quality which is to say she’s dim. She’s cute and well connected but dim. And dim doesn’t cut it…ever!
No one is expected to be Einstein but dim is a no-no, full stop.
Thankfully, she hasn’t met Momma Ames or Auntie. The meeting will be interesting as hell, though. I’ll be sure to detail the entire event. In the meantime, here’s a clip from our first conversation. Enjoy!
Note: BIL GF stands for Brother in-law's Girlfriend
BIL GF: I love British accents. I don’t like Irish and Scottish. Or Welsh, gross! But I love British!
Me: So you prefer the English accent, yeah? English is England only…none of the bits you don’t care for.
BIL GF (blank): I don’t get it.
Me (feeling like the Miracle Worker): You said British but you meant English. *Pause* It’s one of the innumerable British accents. *Pause, whispers* England is in Britain, dear.
BIL GF (thousand-yard stare): It’s all England.
Me: Oh my God! They’re gonna eat you alive. Howard! Sort her out before she meets your mother!!
Another Note: I have since explained that referring to anything Welsh as 'gross' is unsafe. Knowing is half the battle.
Wow! I didn’t realize I’d been away so long. My family has kept me mind-numbingly busy. Not that you missed my ramblings or anything.
I would go into a long write-up but screw it, let’s bullet point this mofo:
~ Greg has been battling pneumonia. He’ll be home tomorrow but won’t be back in action for a few weeks. Yeah, it was THAT bad.
~ I managed to get a lot of writing, including two new short reads, completed. They’re being edited as I type. Yay!
~ As usual, Eve is walking perfection.
~ Thanks to Greg's brother, BC and Isaac are now the owners of a commercial grade snow cone machine. Howard replaced a Snoopy machine with a Snowie 3000!
~ My four year old nephew Isaac is staying with us until my brother is settled stateside. BC has a playmate!
~ I’m pretty sure BC sees dead people. Long story.
~ I made a ton of Youtube updates including the four season of Being Human. Requests are welcomed.
~ I’m writing an end of season wrap-up for Being Human. It’ll be similar to my Misfits post.
I’ll be on more often now that Greg is home. I also have a give-away kicking off Monday so check back to enter.
I love folks to death! Thanks for your support. Cheers!!!!
If you haven’t seen it, go watch it NOW before some idiot has it removed. The writing, the all star cast, the cinematography, and the plot are top notch.
I’m not going to spoil it for you, so I won’t go into details. But I will give you a quick, spoiler-free blurb ripped from IMDb:
James (Benedict Cumberbatch ) and his three closest lifelong friends go on an ill-advised trip to the stunning coastal area of Barafundle Bay in West Wales. What follows is a touching and comical adventure dealing with friendship, heroism and love.
**I know a lot of you watch my Youtube channel at work. This is NOT a movie for working hours!**
Grab a box of tissues and a blanket and tuck in. It's not overly sentimental - it's raw human emotion in all its complexity. I laughed and cried so hard. I’m tearing up right now! *fans eyes* Oh God, I have to call my best friend! *sniffs*
Go watch it. It’s beautiful.
I posted this on my Tumblr page months ago after coming it while researching strained relationships. I thought I would post it here as well.
You can read the full article HERE. I hope you find it helpful or at least interesting.
What you can do about being taken for granted?
~ You always are there to offer your help, yet when last time you were the one in need everyone you called up was busy.
~ Your friends won’t return any favor. Ever.
~ You listen to people’s problems but there is nobody to listen to yours.
~ Your efforts don’t get even a simple thanks.
~ No matter how much you contribute people always want you to do more. Extra pay? Some appreciation? You are funny, really!
~ You feel not cared enough for, not loved enough, ignored, neglected.
~ People assume you will always be there and each time you are not is taken as a personal offense.
~ You notice that people forget to tell you things that matter.
~ People don’t care what you do unless they need you to do something for them.
You said YES to more than 3 points in the list? That’s a warning sign. Maybe you should think about making yourself noticed and listened to.
What you can do about being taken for granted?
1. Do not panic and do not make assumptions
It might all have a very logical explanation. If you freak out and get mad for no reason it will make things only worse.
2. Talk about it
Don’t hold it in. But don’t sound accusing or blaming. Just talk. The relationships begin to die when we stop talking about things that matter.
3. Stop being nice all the time
You are human. You have emotions. You can get mad, you can be sad, you can be upset. If people know how you feel they won’t take it for granted.
4. Learn to say ‘no’
As hard as it seems it is still possible. Give it a try. Start with smaller things. People will take you for granted only as long as you let them. Saying ‘no’ is the first step on the road of not letting them do it.
5. Do not compromise with your self-respect
Ever. You are better than this.
6. Question your motives
Don’t expect praise and appreciation. You do things for yourself because you like helping people out, not because you want them to help you later. Or don’t you?
7. Treat people as you want to be treated
Old cliché, maybe, but it does work. Before blaming someone for taking you for granted, see if you do it the same way.
8. Stand your ground and draw boundaries
You are a good person. You are a good friend. You know that. They know that. Now it’s time to be strong for yourself.
When you say ‘no’ to someone the world won’t turn upside down. It will be at the exact same place. You should realize that whatever is meant to happen will happen. Good or bad.
You can’t run around giving people second and third chances. You can’t let them take advantage of you. You can’t be there for them always even when they let you down all the time.
Relationships are always worth fighting for but sometimes you can’t be the only one fighting.
Sometimes, people need to fight for you.
We, Mom, Pam and I, were at a friends' house after her husband went Ike Turner on her. Black eye, missing tooth, the whole nine. Instead of packing her bags, she kept going on about God not wanting her to leave him.
Pam, true to form, said, "You sit yo' dumbass here and pray! I'm backing the goddamn car up! You got five minutes!"
Needless to say we were out of the door in two minutes.
This clip from our past reminded me of a list a reader sent me a while ago*. More to the point, number ten. People who hide behind faith get on my nerves.
Also, while this list is geared towards women, turn around is fair plays. Men can apply the same to women. Anyway, here's the list - I hope you enjoy.
1. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
2. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
3. If you have ANY doubt in your mind about a man's character, leave him alone.
4. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
5. Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.
6. Don't force an attraction.
7. Slower is better.
8. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
9. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
10. Have faith in God regarding your relationship, but don't let faith make you stupid. God does things decent and in order.
11. Don't settle.
12. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
13. If he keeps changing his mind about the relationship--take that as a BIG sign that he is unstable. Do you really want to be with a man like that?
14. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
15. Honorable men take care of their business and aren't involved in a whole lot of mess.
16. The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
17. There's only one 'reason' a man dumps you; he doesn't want you.
18. Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
19. You really do have to kiss a few frogs before finding the prince.
20. Always put yourself and your happiness first. (This doesn't give you the right to be a self-center bitch, though)
21. Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
22. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
23. Like from the show Sex and the City, if he doesn't call, he just isn't that interested.
24. Be honest and upfront.
25. Know when to cut the cord, don't be strung along.
26. Don't fall for the "I'm confused role". Remove yourself from the situation to let him figure things out (but don't wait for him, move on).
27. If you want to have a clue as to how he will treat you, watch how he treats the WOMEN in his family (not just mom).
28. There's more than physical abuse, there's emotional and mental abuse. If he causes any of them...flee.
29. You cannot change a man's behaviors. Change comes from within.
30. Don't let him place rules on you that he is not willing to follow himself -- double-standard.
31. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job.
32. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
33. Demand respect and if he can't give it, he can't have you!
34. Don't compete with other woman, but be aware that men are attracted to what they see.
35. If you think he is cheating, he probably is. Confront him right away and if you feel he's lying, let him go.
36. Actions speak louder than words.
37. Never let a man define who you are.
38. Never rely on a man for compliments, look to yourself for that.
39. Never borrow someone else's man.
40. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
41. Just because he says he loves you, doesn't mean that he won't hurt you and it doesn't mean that you are meant to be with him.
42. To use painful hard-won wisdom -- 'get it right' the next time.
43. Know that you deserve to be the number one person in the life of the No.1 person in your life.
44. Love is a verb...
45. Learn to give up your lifelong task of trying to make someone unavailable-available, someone ungiving-giving, and someone unloving-loving.
46. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
47. All men are NOT dogs.
48. You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two way street.
49. If you don't love self...you can't love anyone else.
50. You cannot mend someone else's broken heart.
51. You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage...deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
52. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complementary...not supplementary.
53. Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
54. NEVER give more in a relationship than you are getting out of it.
55. Never become your man's "therapist".
56. When actions and words conflict, believe the actions. Respond to the actions.
57. A real healthy relationship requires two people. One person can end it - but it takes two to make it work.
58. Don't fall for the "I'm not the loving type"...when a man loves you there is nothing in this world (within reason) that he wouldn't do for you.
59. Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him he takes it for granted.
60. Give him his space...let him go out with his boys, don't pressure him to spend time with you, You cant force a man to hang out with you.
61. If you wouldn't allow your daughter to be with him you shouldn't.
62. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
63. Never move into his mother's house.
64. Provide financially for yourself and don't depend on anyone.
65. Never co-sign for a man.
66. Never believe you have the perfect guy and he is so innocent.
67. Never spoil your man; let him spoil you.
68. Never let a man mess up your credit.
69. When it's time to let go; let go.
70. Good men should be treated like good men.
71. Don't play games.
72. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
73. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
74. Compatibility in terms of educational attainment, values, beliefs, personal and career goals, and socioeconomic status, are important.
75. Never date a guy who wears color contact lens.
*I don't know who is the rightful auther - if you do, please let me know and I'll give them proper credit.
Yesterday, we were discussing the alleged rape of gay pornstar Mason Wyler. In 2008, Wyler claims he was “held down with belts, duct tape and power cords, strangled, suffocated, held at gun point, drugged, pissed on, inseminated, and forcefully penetrated with a broomstick.” by at least three men, one of whom he identified as Danny Vanarro (not his real name), an Army Captain he met at a bar, and who subsequently returned Wyler’s lost wallet. The full account is below.
Wyler doesn’t claim to be an angel. Indeed, he is admittedly promiscuous, and dons the titles “King of Sluts” and “Cock Hungry Slut” with pride; still this doesn’t give anyone carte blanche to assault him….if his story is valid.
I say “if his story is valid” because Wyler provided damning evidence that says otherwise. And when it became apparent that the police reports were forged/compromised, and the images of his bruises were photoshoped, the initial cries for justice from the gay community became demands for proof of validity.
His staunch supporters attributed the gross discrepancies in his early interviews and his erratic behavior (joking around and posting parodies) as the effects of the lethal amount GHP Vanarro supposedly inserted in his rectum to subdue him.
The straw that broke the camel’s back was Wyler decision to wave prosecution without even so much as a mea culpa from his assailants. Now, given the amount of violence he allegedly suffered and the fact that he chose not to prosecute, one can’t help but question his motives.
According to The Gays of Daytime, "A couple of weeks ago, Wyler had posted what has been described as a 'rape fantasy' on his blog. To make matters worse members of his family and close friends believe this was publicity stunt contrived to coincide with the launch of Wyler’s website where he incessantly detailed the events of the attack—all of which have been deleted. When asked why he deleted the posts, Wyler economically replied that he was “Over it”.
What?!?! “Over it”!! If someone corn-holed me with a broom, getting over it wouldn’t be an option.
To throw another spanner in the works, Wyler stated he hadn’t any contact with Vanarro before that night. However, sound evidence proved he and Vanarro met online and discussed possible rape fantasies and scenarios. If Wyler is believed, speculations suggest this was a rape fantasy gone awry—which in my book amounts to rape. Consensual fantasy or not, the second someone says stop, that's it. Stop means stop...and no means no. Period. End of story!
With that in mind, the physical evidence, his bodily injuries or lack thereof undermined his accounts from the very beginning, authorities said. And in a shocking twist of fate, many once loyal advocacy groups agreed. Compared to Rihanna’s injuries, Wyler doesn’t look half bad for a man who was tortured and beaten for hours by three strapping Army vets. His eyes aren’t even puffy! He says he was straggled with a power chord but there aren’t any deep lacerations or pronounced bruising caused by blood collecting beneath the skin. And the authorities noted the absence of defense wounds on his hands and forearms Vanarro, a man described as 6’2”, 220lbs, would have inflicted.
As a rape survivor, I desperately want to believe him. But in the face of mounting evidence, I’m torn. And in 2010, Wyler announced he was HIV positive. Regrettably, this is also believed (and all but verified by his family) to be another publicity stunt. I don’t know what to think. Decide for yourself.
Below is a write-up, and one of Wyler’s blog posts from Queer Click.
MAY BE DISTURBING TO SOME READERS. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
ARMY CAPTAIN ACCUSED OF GANG RAPE
By Mason Wyler
October 6, 2008
Promiscuous veteran gay porn model claims decorated Iraq War Army captain brutally raped and tortured him with fellow soldiers.
HOUSTON, Texas - Houston Police arrested a 28-year old Army Captain Sunday in connection with a West Houston home invasion from a previous night during which the intruders allegedly raped a man at gunpoint.
Danny Vanarro (not his real name), an Army Captain who served in Iraq, was charged with home invasion, robbery with a firearm, and sexual battery by multiple perpetrators, the Harris County Sheriff's Office reported.
According to a police statement the victim, aged 24, is a sex worker in the gay porn industry known as Mason Wyler. The statement reports that Wyler lost his wallet the night before at a local bar which was eventually found and returned by the Army Captain.
Upon entry of the victim's residence, Vanarro asked Wyler for the reward that was advertised Wyler's MySpace online page. Wyler then gave Vanarro a kiss on the mouth. The accused immediately grabbed Wyler by the neck, dragged him into the kitchen, and demanded money for the return of the wallet. Wyler told the aggressor that he didn't have any cash on him but would go to an ATM and withdraw some. Vanarro became agitated by his response and punched Wyler in the face, knocking him unconscious for a few moments.
Thats when Vanarro pulled out a M9 Pistol and reportedly threatened Wyler's life. The accused then began punching and kicking the victim while he was crying on the ground, police said.
The adult film star was also forced to take off all his clothes and perform oral sex on the Army Captain. Eventually Wyler was immobilized, gagged, and blindfolded with belts and duct tape. Through out the whole ordeal Vanarro supposedly sodomized the victim repeatedly with a broom stick, anally and orally raped the victim while strangling him with a power cord, made the 24-year old drink urine, and brutally beat him.
Wyler also claims that Vanarro inserted the illicit drug GHB into the victims anus to subdue him which left his memory of the incident hazy. The drug test came back positive.
After a few hours Vanarro made a call to invite over some accomplices. AT&T wireless is working with the Harris County Sheriff's office to retrieve Vanarro's call records for the night.
Wyler was then taken into the bedroom, where he was sexually assaulted by at least two other attackers. There identities are still unknown.
After the rapes, the alleged perpetrators went into the bathroom to shower while the victim managed to untie himself and escape to a nearby home, where the occupants called 911. The accused were able to get away before police arrived on the scene but ironically investigators found that Vanarro had left his own wallet behind.
Wyler was taken to Ben Taub Hospital in the Texas Medical Center, where a sexual assault exam was performed. His clothing was collected and was processed at the Sheriff's Office DNA lab.
The Sheriff's Office sent the material for DNA tests to the Houston PD Crime Lab.
DNA test results from the semen samples collected from the inside of Wyler's anal canal and rectum confirmed that there were at least three different assailants although most of the genetic fluid was from Vanarro.
After results came back with a match for Vanarro, a judge ordered that he be detained at the Harris County Jail with bail set at $15,000.
"There's a good chance he'll be charged as a civilian because the nature of the crime warrants consideration to be charged as a civilian," Chief Assistant State Attorney Jason Ashberry said.
"The case won't be about proving that Mr. Vanarro had anal intercourse with Mr. Wyler, the DNA tests speak for themselves, the case will ultimately be about whether or not it was consensual sex or rape", he added.
Vanarro, if convicted, is facing a mandatory 10-year sentence and up to life in prison.
Captain Danny Vanarro hasn't answered any questions from reporters and only had this to say, "He was begging for it."
And here's Wyler's second blog entry, a more direct and visceral recount of the event and it's aftermath:
Rape Reality Part 2: The Truth
The truth is I did get raped by a guy who claimed to be a Captain in the U.S. Army. And the truth is I did invite him into my home. He was attractive and he looked normal. I guess thats incredibly stupid of me to judge someones character based solely on appearances. But I trust people on day one until they lose it instead of making people earn my trust. We had a bit of small talk, he told me that he was gay, and that he had seen some of my work and kept up with my myspace page. In a joking manner he asked for his reward for finding my wallet and I did come on to him. I kissed him and he kissed me back. But within a few short moments things quickly turned ugly. All the sexual abuses that I listed in my faux news report truthfully happened to me.
Truthfully for the first few hours of the attack I fought back and I fought back hard, I assume that since he was a big strong army guy that he thought it was going to be easy to over power me and get me under control, but I sure as hell surprised him. When he pulled out the gun it scared me shitless and I stopped fighting for a few a bit but then I figured I really was going to die and if that were the case then I'd rather go out fighting instead of being some blubbering victim.
So I started to struggle against him once more. I seriously bit a chunk of flesh out of his upper chest trying to wrestle him off of me, I also tried gouging his eyes out but every attempt I made to break free from him failed.
I was beaten and strangled to the point that I passed out numerous times during the night, each time I came to he was either fucking me or tying me up with whatever he could find. I ended up getting my wrists and ankles tied behind my back, and attached to a belt that was wrapped around my neck so that if I struggled I would end up just strangling myself.
I was screaming for help so loud that he ended up not only blindfolding me but taping my mouth shut. I almost had a helmet of duct tape covering my face and at one point I thought I was going to suffocate to death. When he noticed that I couldn't breath, he took the tape off of my nose, maybe he just wanted me to be alive and in pain while he raped me, I don't know.
Through out the night he kept telling me what some of you have told me, that I wanted it and deserved it for being a whore. The truth is he almost pushed me into believing it. I mean if he had contacted me before coming over, sent me his pictures and told me he wanted to fuck me, instead of being the one who found my wallet, I probably would of invited him over just to get his dick in me. Either way I still would have probably been beaten and raped. But thinking like that made me feel as though I deserved it.
The truth is, I'll admit, that my mind is pretty fucked up. I'll admit that I my sexual promiscuity has put myself at risk countless times and until the other night I have been pretty lucky. I'll admit that I am a slut who has some pretty sick fantasies at times BUT this twisted fantasy was always meant to be just that, a fantasy, I never wanted it to become a reality. Just because someone is a slut who talks dirty doesn't give anyone the right to abuse that person.
The truth is that the rapist did call over some friends to use me once he had gotten his fill of me. By then the drugs (which I was unaware that he had injected me with at the time) had already taken affect and I was much more subdued and mellow. My muscles started to go limp, including my ass, which the gang of murderers and rapists interpreted as me wanting more cock up my hole. If I could of shit on them I would of.
The truth is that they did shower and leave as I escaped. My first instinct was to yell at my neighbors because I know they were home and I KNOW they could hear me screaming for help through the walls. AND YET LIKE MOST FUCKING AMERICANS, THEY DID NOTHING. Some people are so afraid to get involved in other peoples lives when they need it most. You always read those horror stories of kids getting raped in apartment complexes where the neighbors hear it but don't call the cops.. then act all shocked when they find out exactly what was going on... I was sickened to hear that and ENRAGED when it happened to me.
The truth is I did call the police after I escaped. Six of them showed up, Four of them were ex-military, and all of them were assholes. The FIRST thing they asked was, "Have you been doing any illegal substances or drinking?" and keep in mind they knew why they were called over.
I said no.
My blood was pumping, mind racing,I was going nuts, and I had no idea that the guy had squirted GHB into my asshole. I just thought he wanted to get my insides wet, hell he shoved ice cubes up in me. I think the bastard just got off seeing me squirm in pain. As hard as it is for some of you to believe, I have NEVER done any drugs other than marijuana, which I don't consider a drug anyway. So I didn't know that the effects I was feeling was from a drug and not from getting knocked around and choked so many times.
They took my answer with a grain of salt.
I wrote the article because its the way my case should of been handled when the police arrived, the way I wish it was handled. They should done an initial thorough search and found certain items that I found later. They shouldn't have laughed at, They should of taken this accusation seriously and involved people with more power. Instead I was treated with a great deal of skepticism much like some of the posters have treated me. Right from the start I felt like I was the one who committed the crime. They all had looks of doubt. "Come on, you love sex...and with a guy in the military, thats like a dream come true for you, just admit it you sick fagot and stop wasting our time", is what I'm sure they were thinking.
I'm not your average joe in terms of personality, I can't shut up under normal circumstances and last night I couldn't stop talking for the life of me, it might have been the drugs that were forced into my body or it might have been the sudden adrenaline rush I was feeling after I escaped, but either way I couldn't shut up, which led the cops to believe I was just a cracked out fagot that wanted it and was just freaking out.
Like some of you have said, rape victims have a hard time talking about their situation with loved ones and friends, let alone a public forum BUT FUCK THAT. I want everyone out there to know that there are some sick fucks in all types of uniforms and to be cautious. I told my neighbors, the cops, my friends, my mother, my brother, the nurses at the hospital, the lady at the front desk that asked what happened, and any body else who stared at my fucked up face. Screw being ashamed and quiet about it. I was kind of proud that I gave a guy who was almost 6'2" and probably 220 lbs a pretty good fight. AND yes I know thats pretty fucked up that a slut who just got raped is proud and I'm sure the cops were thinking the same thing.
It probably didn't help that I had copies of my porn laying all over the house when they came in to collect evidence. And it probably didn't help that I didn't follow their orders to just sit down and not to walk around to keep me from smudging any finger prints the rapist may have left behind. And I sure as hell didn't help when I made a whole bunch of nasty comments about people in the armed forces, I was pissed off and couldn't help it. SERIOUSLY, I didn't know there was a certain way you're suppose to act after you get raped. Do they offer a rape victims etiquette class? I should probably take it. I'm surprised there aren't more insane crazy rape victims out there, because I'm seriously about to go off my rocker!
The cops were serious assholes though, while two of the investigators were busy finger printing my whole house, the other four were holding me hostage in my living room. "JUST SIT THERE SIR, WE DON'T WANT YOU CONTAMINATING EVIDENCE", one pig oinked. "Uh. I need to take a piss", I said. "Well they haven't collected evidence from the bathroom yet and you might have some of their DNA on you so you probably shouldn't do anything until we get to the hospital", the asshole in blue said. I seriously wanted to yell, "THE DNA IS IN MY ASSHOLE YOU FUCKING PIG!" But I was at least able to keep that to myself.
I kept asking them, "I'm sure you will get a DNA match after my exam, why on earth do you need to take all my stuff?" to which they replied "We just just have to"... "We just have to?" thats not a very good reason. On top of that they things that had nothing to do with the case, like my main computer, my cell phone, and my clothes, the clothes that I had on when the guy came over and just random clothes on the floor. One pig told me that once the stuff becomes evidence, I'd probably never get them back, and the stupid fucking piece of shit chuckled, like it was funny.
Two of the cops were talking about rough sex with their wives and how they have to pin them down... not saying they're rapists.. just saying that talking about rough sex at a rape scene.... WOW... seriously?
After they collected my statement and "evidence" they took me to the shittiest hospital in a city that has the worlds best medical center... where I got to wait, then wait some more, and wait some more. Then finally after 5 hours of waiting along side hobo's, hookers, and heroine addicts I was finally put in a room where I got wait another hour for a fucking rape kit, a medical exam that took about 15 minutes to complete. And just to put icing on the cake was handed a medical bill for the exam, $100. LOVELY.
The police then took me to give my statement to a detective, a bitch detective that kept questioning whether or not it was consensual and if I was SURE about pressing charges. She kept saying it won't be a matter of proving he was at your place, just a matter of proving it was rape. When they were finally done belittling me they handed me a card with a case number on the back, "Call if you want to press charges", they said - the number on the front was the number for the traffic violations office. WOW THEY REALLY DO CARE.
When I finally got home I found my walls, carpet, and furniture covered in black finger print dust not to mention the drops of blood spattered across the floor. Not one of the drops of the blood looked as if they had been swabbed for samples... something I thought the police would want to match with the DNA taken from my hole. And upon further investigation I found something even more startling... the tape and papers used to collect finger prints.. all of it containing the assholes finger prints were crumpled up and thrown into my trash can. I also found the fuckers wallet.
For those of you who seem to be genuinely worried about me, don't be, I'll be fine, I was already pretty messed up before this so maybe this will make me less of a stupid slut. Maybe this will get me to quit doing porn and try incredibly hard at a normal lifestyle.
I checked myself into a hotel room because I couldn't stand to be in that house alone. It wreaked of sweat, piss, and rapist cum. I have been sitting here ever since, playing the events over and over in my head, thinking about what he did to me, trying to figure out what I should do about it, planning my revenge, and then I wrote that article. Like I said earlier, the report was written by me but the crime reported in it is fact. The only things that aren't fact are the names and what the police did and said. It was only how I wished the police department would of handled it.
The truth is, no he hasn't been arrested because the police don't know who he is. I didn't hand his wallet in to the police, and I don't think I will. I just don't see them helping me. And no, I'm not sure I want to press charges because I don't think I can win the case. I don't want my whole private sex life to be dragged out in court and in front of my family. I'd rather get revenge and let that be my justice. I just need to find out who the other guys were.
I'm done trying to prove that I'm telling the truth, if you don't believe me then FUCK you and quit reading my blog. LIKE RIGHT NOW. JUST CLICK THE X. I usually welcome people's criticisms and differing opinions.. but this isn't about your opinion... its about my health and well-being. I WRITE BECAUSE IT MAKES ME FEEL BETTER. Is that pathetic to you??? THEN GO FUCK YOURSELF!
For those of you who are truly my fans and friends, please excuse my erratic behavior. I'm a mess right now.
I've been writing and talking about it to whoever will listen, hoping to write and talk about it so much that I have nothing left to say about it and can hopefully move on.
A few last words:
*FUCK THE TROOPS. THE IRAQ WAR IS BULLSHIT AND IF YOU FUCKING THINK THEY'RE OVER THERE FIGHTING FOR OUR FREEDOM THEN YOU ARE AS FUCKING STUPID AS THEY COME AND YOU SHOULD FUCKING DIE. I'M NOT SAYING ALL TROOPS ARE RAPIST. I JUST HATE THEM RIGHT NOW.
As I said, I'm torn.