“Oh fuck!” Charlie rose from the bed and answered the phone.


“What took you so long to pick up? I’ll been calling all morning. I was about to drive over there. It’s after one o’clock, where have you been?” Paula asked.


Charlie quickly pulled on a pair of boxers and left Stacy lying in bed. “I was asleep. I heard the phone but I thought Shawn would pick up. Hold on one second.” He muted the phone and marched to Shawn’s room “Shawn,” he pounded on the door. “Living room. Now.”


“Okay, I’m back.” Charlie rejoined Paula and plopped on the sofa. “Where are you?”


“I’m at Costco. You need anything?”


His heart sank in his chest. “No, I don’t need anything. I’ll be over later. I need to finish up a few things here.”


“I’ll be home. Love you.”


“I love you too. Bye” he hung up and covered his face. Paula was going to kill him. There was no way in hell he’d be able to talk his way out of this predicament.


Shawn staggered in minutes later and Charlie pointed him towards he’s bedroom. Shawn returned ghost white and somewhat angry. Charlie wasn’t aware the Shawn and Stacy had gotten serious since their return from Saudi. Though they’d flirted with the idea of going public but neither felt it was time. Now there was no question of timing.


Charlie and Shawn sifted through the swath of emotional rubble heaped between them. For Shawn, his hurt lay in the knowledge that his best friend may or may not have slept with his girlfriend. He could hardly speak; the life had been retched from his body. His pain was palpable, tears ached in his chest bit didn’t fall. He’d suffered through infidelity with Julie and was finally on the mends with Stacy—she was different.


For Charlie, he’s relationship with Paula was officially over. He’d simultaneously lost the love of his life, alienated his best friend and potentially slept with one of his closest female friends. The heap of rubble was too large to sort at once. It would have to be sifted slowly until the truth was found. Neither remembered any details from the previous night, nothing. Their cars weren’t in the parking lot so they assumed Stacy had driven them home. But how she ended up nude in Charlie’s room was a blur.


Sadly, only she could explain why she hadn’t gone to bed with Shawn—when questioned she couldn’t remember. She was able to confirm that Shawn buzzed her through the gate and they’d left the party with John but she could offer no further details. Neither Shawn nor Charlie would look at her, she felt like a leper being judged by them when, in fact, she was in no better position. She’d lost just as much as they had and they didn’t seem to care. It wasn’t her fault, she protested.


“It’s no one’s fault. We need to calm down and figure this mess out.” Charlie threw his head back. “We can’t keep this between us. We’re telling the truth.”


“What truth?” Shawn argued. “We don’t know what happened.”


“Well, I sure as hell can’t keep this from Paula. I have to explain to her—tell her…” he searched for his words. “I don’t know what to tell her.”


“Why don’t we wait a few days? Maybe we’re over thinking it, let’s clear our heads and hopefully we’ll get some clarity.” Shawn suggested.


Stacy shook her head, no. “Paula will know something’s wrong and when she finds out we sat on this news, she’ll never speak to any of us again. We have to tell her everything we know. Don’t beat around the bush.”


Charlie stood. “I’m going over to see her. I’ll let you know how it goes,”


“I’ll be here when you get back,” Shawn heaved himself from the sofa.


“Can we talk?” Stacy asked him.


“I love you, Stacy, but I need be alone. I’ll give you a call later.” He turned to leave but stopped when he realized she hadn’t moved from where she stood. “Are you gonna be alright?”


Tears welled and flowed from her eyes. “How can you ask me that? After what happened, you won’t have anything else to do with me. Paula’s going to hate me and my reputation is ruined. And I can’t defend myself because I don’t know what happened. I didn’t come over to steal Paula’s man. I came over to be with you, I couldn’t drive home. I shouldn’t have been driving in the first place.”


“You shouldn’t have been behind the wheel but you did the right thing. You should’ve come to me.” Shawn hugged her close; the heat from her face scorched his chest. Though the wounds of Julie’s betrayal festered, they weren’t irritated by this occurrence. Stacy’s character spoke volumes where as Julie’s had been tarnished from the very beginning. “I’m sorry. I know you didn’t mean for any if this to happen. You didn’t ride my ass about the Desiree incident…”


“Please don’t mention her name,” Stacy interjected. “We weren’t committed then but I still don’t wanna hear her name.”


“This coming from the woman who drunk-dialed me and slept with my best friend,” He kissed the top of her head. “We’ll get through this, I hope.” He would, in time, come to terms with this incident/non-incident. 
 


                                            ******


Charlie showered, dressed, and headed to Paula’s. With each mile marker that passed, so did any hopes Paula would be indulgent. And why should she? His faith in himself lay withered and dead, replaced by feelings of having failed her. She’d depended upon his unswerving devotion—he’d asked her to trust him whole-heartedly and he’d failed, miserably. Agonizing self-loathing and desperation met him in her driveway. A silent prayer and deep purging later, he walked through her door.


“I’m in here.” Paula called from the kitchen.


Charlie’s legs felt as though twenty pound weights were tied to them. Nerves, guilt and fear churned in his stomach. He immediately went to greet her. He held her knowing this would be the last time he’d do so. He cataloged her scent, the softness of her skin, the smoothness of her hair and he hopefulness in her eyes.


Paula stood with an oven mitt on one hand and spoon in the other. “What’s wrong?” She asked when he finally released her. He wouldn’t meet her eyes and sudden pang of dread filled her. She threw the spoon in the sink, took off the over mitt and lifted his face. His blood shot eyes swam with worry. “Charlie, what happened? Did something happen to your parents?”


His eyes shifted from side to side as he shook his head, no, but didn’t say a word. He knew Paula was waiting for him to explain. “I have to talk to you.” He took her by the hand and led her to the sofa and angled to face her. He tried to speak but couldn’t force his words passed the lump in his throat. His fingers fondled her engagement ring, the more he wrestled with his words, the more pain they’d cause. “Paula, I love you. And…” he took a deep breath buying time. “I love you and I don’t want to lose you.”


“You’re not going to loose me.”


“I hope not,” Charlie looked her directly in the eyes for the first time. He struggled to find his words. “Last night…I mean this morning…I…um.”


“You what?”


“Last night John dropped me and Shawn off at the apartment and this morning I woke up with Stacy beside me in bed.”


Paula watched his lips move but his words didn’t make any sense. A tangled knot of crippling anxiety threatened to burst from her belly as she watched the long, slow and agonizing death of their relationship. She wanted him to stop talking but couldn’t bring herself to speak. Quiet tears streamed down her cheeks and her breathing thinned to nothing—nothing, blank, hollow is what she felt. She was long past pain and well into numb. Her heart lie shattered beneath her heaving chest.


Her hand went limp in Charlie’s. “I’m so sorry, Paula. I don’t know what happened. I was drunk. I don’t remember coming home. The last thing I remember was telling you goodnight and waking up this morning.”


“Did you sleep with her?”


“I don’t know. I can’t say for certain. She remembers calling from the gate and asking to crash for the night. She says Shawn buzzed her in but she can’t remember anything else.” He paused giving her time to drill him but she didn’t—her tears spoke louder than words. He’d broken her heart. “I can’t lie to you, Paula and say that nothing happened when I’m not 100% sure. I doubt anything happened but I can’t lie.”


“She’s…she’s my friend, Charlie.”


“I know, I’m sorry. Please don’t cry.” He dried her cheeks with the back of his hand. “I’d never deliberately hurt you. I want to get through this.” His voice cracked. “Forgive me. My words aren’t coming easily.”


Paula stared at him wanting to hear him out but she was also desperate to see him leave. “There are no magic words to fit what you’ve done. You’ve cheated,” she shook her head. “Your words can’t take away the pain.” Each breath came harder than the last. “I told you never to cheat on me—I warned you…” she pulled her hand free of his.


Charlie panted, his mouth became dry. “I don’t remember,” his fingers grazed hers as she recoiled. “Paula, I’ve committed myself to you and I don’t want to loose you, please.”


“Is having sex with my friend how you demonstrate your commitment to me? How did you go from loving me so much you wanted to spend your life with me to having sex with my friend?”


“Can you please stop saying we had sex? I don’t know if we had sex. I don’t remember.”


“Convenient.”


“There’s nothing convenient about not knowing what happened. The uncertainly is killin’ me. If I could take away some of your pain by giving you a straight answer I would. I feel you slipping through my hands and I don’t know what to do.” His tone rose and fell. “Paula, if I can’t remember the first time I came in you, knowing how much it meant to you, why would I lie about this?”


Paula’s tears fell anew at the thought of him and Stacy in bed together, him grinding between her legs as he had done with her, unprotected. “What if she’s pregnant? You can’t leave her. You’ll marry her because that’s the right thing to do.”


“I’m not marrying anyone except you.”


Aching with torment, Paula slid her ring from her finger and placed it gently into Charlie’s hand. “No,” she choked through the words. “Give this to Stacy.”


“I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness but please don’t do this.” He grew increasingly more distressed.


“I’m not doing anything,” her words came softly yet firm with resolve. “I let down my guard and gave you everything I had but it wasn’t enough to keep you satisfied.”


“I am satisfied. I love you,” Desperation pooled in his anxious eyes then trickled to his cheeks.


“And I love you too, Charlie. I’m more in love with you then I’ve ever been. But I love myself even more.” She dried his tears and stared lovingly into his eyes.”


“Please, let’s talk”


Paula pressed her tear soaked lips to his. Neither moved for what seemed an eternity, their love for one another rest in their clasped hands while their shattered future crumbled around them.


“Charlie, I’m hurting,” Paula wept.


“I’m sorry. I’m hurting for you.” Charlie held her until she composed herself enough to speak.


“I love you,” Paula took a deep breath. “I don’t never want to see you again.”


Wiith those words, all hope was lost.



The events of that night would never be elucidated and its ripple effect proved staggering throughtout their circle of friends. No one went untouched. In the following months and years, it would be up to each individual to make their peace with it.