WTF! Seriously Tracy? I mean seriously? "Debbie" doesn't realize this is cheating?

Okay, I normally don't talk about folks I don't know and even when I do it is always to their face. But in this case I will make an exception.

"Debbie" hon, you are about as dumb as a box of rocks if you don't think what you are doing is cheating. But then again I think you do know otherwise you would tell your "fiance".

OMG! My lower jaw is almost on the floor! Just when I thought I heard it all. I mean seriously! You ought to be ashamed of yourself "Debbie". If you are reading this, I hope you get your act together. It is awful that you are playing with a persons emotions like this. This is the sort of shit that makes people snap and hurt people.

Oh God I'm disgusted! If "Debbie" were my friend, she wouldn't be for long with this sort of behavior. I try not to be judgmental of what other people do in their respective lives but this takes the cake!

I have never wanted to blacken both eyes of someone so badly. Oh man this has my blood boiling! Ahhhh!

Tracy,

The more I think about this the more incensed I become. It sounds like "Debbie" has fallen into the dilemma some people have to face on occasion. You have one person who is good for "this" and another that is good for "that". If you could combine both of them together you would have the "perfect" person.

Unfortunately, ONE has to be chosen. You cannot (and I repeat CANNOT) be engaged to one person and have sex with another and not consider it cheating if all parties don't know.

I also would be interested in finding out the reasoning behind why it isn't considered cheating now but it would be after "Debbie" gets married. Because honestly, I think that's an excuse as well. Once "Debbie" gets married I wouldn't be surprised if she comes up with another reason as to why it is okay for her to continue sexing up the ex-boyfriend after she is married.

Seriously "Debbie" this is wrong no matter how you slice it. The only thing I will leave you with is how would you feel if this were you? What if you were the one your "fiance" or your ex decided to keep "sexing" while they were promised to someone else. I won't even question your concept of "LOVE". If you will do this to a person you "LOVE" I hate to see what you would do to someone you hate...

I think your friend is in serious denial. She's cheating. Is there anything in her background which would explain what drives her actions? Personally, as the friend, I've found this type of situation to be extremely difficult. I had a friend who cheated on her high school boyfriend in college. Later, once they were married, she cheated on him again. Her behavior made me very uncomfortable. I really like her husband and although the close friendship is between me and my girlfriend I still felt guilty, for lack of a better word, whenever I was around him either during or immediately after the affairs. Although I disapproved of the relationships, I didn't discourage her from talking to me about them because I hoped my advice and/or concern would lead her to do the right thing. I honestly don't know if anything I said led her to seek therapy but she did and she is still married to her high school boyfriend. I also don't know how I would've felt if she continued to have the affair. It was much easier to be her friend when she had the affair while married because we weren't living together anymore and I didn't have to face her husband all the time. I hate the position she's putting you in. I also think she needs to delay the marriage and figure out what is really important to her. Once you agree to marry someone, you are agreeing to consider that person's thought and feelings. Unless your friend is in an open relationship, her sleeping with her ex-boyfriend is not taking her fiance's feelings into consideration. If your friend is so confident that her actions do not constitute cheating, then she would have no problem telling her fiance she is still sleeping with her ex-boyfriend. And if she is concerned about his reaction before marriage, she should really be concerned about his reaction after they're married. I hope she spares herself and her future husband the heartache that will result from her continuing dishonesty.

The husband found out about the pre-marriage affair. He actually had a dream where I told him about it. Freaky! It was the summer after our senior year of college so I wasn't physically present for the aftermath. Thank you God. It took some time for him to get over it. I'm pretty sure she never told him about the post-marriage affair, which was probably against her therapist's advice. It took years for me to relax whenever her husband answered the phone.

I understand the angst of having mutual friends. I want my friends to confide in me but some days I'd rather not hear it or rather not know it. If your friend's fiance ever finds out, he's probably going to feel betrayed by all of you. Her actions are damaging more than one relationship.

I call it going "underground." When I can't handle the madness anymore, I go underground for a week, staying by myself and minding my own business.

Good for your husband. I'm sure that had to be difficult for him. He was a true friend to the fiance and anything that happens now is between the two people in the relationship.

I think she's getting the picture now. Greg outta her earlier. He was pretty fed up with the whole mess. We don't do cheating and it was taking it's toll on everyone around them. Flirting is one thing, hell I wish I could get G to flirt but he's weird like that. He won't do it.

But at the end of the day, I'm not humping around! It's dirty! Call me old fashion but I can't do it. I simply can't. What she did was wrong wrong wrong.

When you are involved in a committed relationship, not just engaged and definitely married, you DO NOT fuck anyone other than your mate. You do not have oral sex, intimate touching, intimate conversations, nothing you cannot tell your significant other. I tell my hubby EVERYTHING, sometimes too much let him tell it, so if you have any contact with someone else and KNOW you can't tell them then you are cheating.

I see people that cheat as having low or no self respect or continually looking for love, if you feel the need for more than one lover then find two or more that are aware of each or all.