Is Oral Sex Cheating?
- By Tracy Ames
- Published March 8, 2010
Tracy Ames
Mrs. Ames is an international bestselling author of interracial erotic fiction and a former columnist for several newsletters and magazines.
A native of the San Francisco Bay Area, Tracy currently split time between CT & New York City with her husband, children and a host of pets.
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Hey Folks,
I was chatting with a group of girlfriends this afternoon and the questioned was raised:
Is oral sex cheating?
To me, cheating is anything you can’t tell your spouse about but that's me. I do consider oral sex cheating because it’s granting someone other then your spouse and doctor access to your naughty bits.
Call me old fashion but that’s how I see it. It’s different if you’re in an open marriage or bisexual and your spouse is fully aware of what’s happening. But if they’re in the dark then it’s cheating.
Look, I love cunny and I probably should teach classes on deepthroating however I’m not going there with anyone except Greg Ames.
Some argue: since there’s no intercourse, there’s no sex.
Um, I’m sorry but if either of you orgasm then its sex. Finger diddle, tongue diddle and/or hand wank…its still sex if either of you orgasm. Even if you don’t orgasm ,it’s still a violation to allow another person besides those therefore mentioned access to the goodies.
If Greg came home and said, “Trace, I let someone wank me off. But don’t worry, we didn’t have sex.” I’d be upset.
I’d like to hear your opinion.
I was chatting with a group of girlfriends this afternoon and the questioned was raised:
Is oral sex cheating?
To me, cheating is anything you can’t tell your spouse about but that's me. I do consider oral sex cheating because it’s granting someone other then your spouse and doctor access to your naughty bits.
Call me old fashion but that’s how I see it. It’s different if you’re in an open marriage or bisexual and your spouse is fully aware of what’s happening. But if they’re in the dark then it’s cheating.
Look, I love cunny and I probably should teach classes on deepthroating however I’m not going there with anyone except Greg Ames.
Some argue: since there’s no intercourse, there’s no sex.
Um, I’m sorry but if either of you orgasm then its sex. Finger diddle, tongue diddle and/or hand wank…its still sex if either of you orgasm. Even if you don’t orgasm ,it’s still a violation to allow another person besides those therefore mentioned access to the goodies.
If Greg came home and said, “Trace, I let someone wank me off. But don’t worry, we didn’t have sex.” I’d be upset.
I’d like to hear your opinion.
Spread The Word
19 Responses to "Is Oral Sex Cheating?" 
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said this on 08 Mar 2010 8:30:30 AM CST
If it's something that you have to keep hidden then it's cheating, plain and simple. If you can go and share this bit of info with your significant other and they are okay with it then that would be different. Now, if you keep it from them then you know it isn't right. So how many of you who say it's not cheating and have done this, have you shared it with your man/woman? I bet not many.
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said this on 08 Mar 2010 8:43:03 AM CST
It's cheating. End of conversation.
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said this on 08 Mar 2010 9:10:14 AM CST
Tracy, when you are right, you are right! If you are allowing access to parts of your body and behavior that your mate believes is only reserved for him or her- you are cheating.
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said this on 08 Mar 2010 11:30:17 AM CST
I agree with you whole heartedly 100%, Tracy!
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said this on 08 Mar 2010 12:34:24 PM CST
I 100% agree! When you engage in oral sex [of any kind, fingers, tongue or toys], you've let someone in your area of closer than close that has been reserved for your only.
If you are in a relationship, where it's just I am his (hers) and he (she) is mine and no one else in between, then there should be no fingerprints, tongue/teeth marks nor exchange of bodily fluid (sorry if TMI) of ANY KIND! I mean NOTHING, NADA. No touchy touch, no licky, licky That's how I feel. |
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said this on 08 Mar 2010 1:25:30 PM CST
Thanks Ladies! I don't see how people (men and women) can view oral sex as not cheating. For a second I was beginning to believe I was the problem. Maybe it was me.
Wanda, I'd venture to say not many of them. To me, this is a selfish act...meant only to get them out of some mess, but if the shoe was on the other foot, they'd be screaming for blood if their spouses turned the table. |
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said this on 08 Mar 2010 6:18:42 PM CST
Ok only because it's woman international day, I will tell You what it's not always a secret, but exception for who read this or this site...You can save a life or gooding a life not just for a moment...
Maybe we can call that a counter cramp, like the kiss of life or the cardiac massage or...any other kind of physical medecine from one to an other! So whatever any woman could become a maid or doctor, it's depend of her talent on the good moment or minutes or hour...(no comment please!) Don't forget your always in mission for life, heart,...it could be in your hourly or out of to save a night like a day on a cramp subject...lol in a couple of course...!...! |
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said this on 08 Mar 2010 9:32:13 PM CST
I'm with Olga, anything you do that you can't tell your partner is cheating. Being in an open marriage or relationship is another thing you already have an arrangement where those sorts of things don't bother the couple. But I think even in those types of relationships, if you aren't open about it, it's a betrayal. Most marriages and relationships people believe the other person is sexually faithful and that's the way it should be. I personally think if you're kissing another person that's cheating, you don't have to go as far as oral sex for it to be a betrayal.
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said this on 08 Mar 2010 10:21:06 PM CST
Absolutely correct. The way i put it to my non-beliver friends is this way:
If I can't come home and tell Greg everything that went on in his absence then I need to really think about why I'm doing it. Because if him were to find out it would tear of marriage apart. Sadly, some of them still didn't get it. It's a matter of trust! |
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said this on 08 Mar 2010 10:46:09 PM CST
That's right Tracy, it's a matter of trust. They may be sitting around saying this, but when it comes right down to it will they share this bit of info with their mate. I feel any kind of physical contact with someone other than your mate is cheating. Nine times out of ten it will eventually lead to them having sex.
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said this on 09 Mar 2010 12:18:18 AM CST
High-five Wanda! 9 times out of 10 it will eventually lead to them having sex. It starts in your head. Now I'm not saying don't look because we're human, but when it comes to touching then people need to go home.
If your mess at home is raggedy then work on it....fix it before you venture out and drag others into the situation. Sorry, I had to vent. |
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said this on 08 Mar 2010 10:49:19 PM CST
Are these just women? I mean I get why dudes would act like this isn't cheating but I've been wondering lately what is up with women, why are so many women amazingly okay with untrustworthy behavior in a partner? Are women really this hard up for a partner?
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said this on 09 Mar 2010 12:13:23 AM CST
In this case it was only women in the conversation however I'd say there are men who will the same way. You know, I think it has to do a lot with where some women see themselves.
They're not looking to really settle down and have a family. Marriage is one thing but kids and committment is another. Men have done it for years and some women are slipping into this mindset. People laughed when I said my girlfriend checked her voicemail during sex but I was dead serious. Some women have become men in the emotional department. |
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said this on 09 Mar 2010 4:34:34 AM CST
Yea, they have and unfortunately instead of taking the best of something. They have decided to take the basest part of men. If it's not cute with them, it's not cute with women either.
I can certainly understand some women not wanting to be tied down to marriage and kids. I just got divorced and I ain't in no rush to get back into that situation. And I can be sexually liberated within a relationship to tell you the truth it's the only place I want to be this sexually liberated (and I do mean liberated LOL) cause I can trust him. I think people don't realize that oral sex has the same risk as regular sexual relations in passing on diseases. I don't want to sound like nobody's mama but keeping secrets never helps trust. As my grandmother used to say, 'what's done in the dark, shall come to the light'. |
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said this on 09 Mar 2010 5:31:10 AM CST
You nailed it. This was a point the guys brought up. It's not attactive in either sex.
Rarely do my guys (Greg, Daniel, and Lawrence) jump into our conversations without being asked for their opinions but this one triggered a battle. To them it was a trust issue. It's not sexually liberated, its nasty! What if the person had VD of the mouth and you transmit it to you spouse? Girl, Greg actually raised his voice which NEVER happens! |
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said this on 09 Mar 2010 10:49:22 PM CST
Sexual liberation is done in the light not the dark, which means you can be proud of it, you can share it with your mate. It's a good thing. Well I could understand the men in your life being up in arms about this, it just makes them look bad. Any man or woman worth anything would not try to pass this off as okay or acceptable.
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said this on 12 Mar 2010 4:33:02 PM CST
Oral sex is still sex, no matter how you look at it and it IS cheating, if you are in a relationship/married. Either that, or he/she is in serious denial. That's my take on it
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said this on 12 Mar 2010 9:36:18 PM CST
I think oral sex can be an even more intimate act than intercourse. If someone is supposedly in a monogamous relationship, then their lips do not need to be on any parts of anothers body other than the cheek (the one above the neck).
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said this on 13 Mar 2010 6:22:52 PM CST
LOLOL!! You're killing me! Thanks for clarifying which cheek you were speaking of.
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